Meek and obedient you follow the leader

Look how long that Conduit bit was! For an episode I don't care about! And here I was worried before I started I'd end up doing half a paragraph tops. I seem to have diarrhea of the fingers or something. Something is wrong with me!

The Jersey Devil (1x04) - A long, long time ago (I can still remember wh...no) a dude got dragged into the woods of New Jersey while his family watched him changing a tire. TODAY, Mulder has found out that a homeless guy has, also, been dragged into the woods in a somewhat similar manner. Fucking spooky, Spooky. He immediately jumps to the infamous–and real, if anything in cryptozoology can be considered "real"–Jersey Devil. Instead of sciencesciencescienceing, Scully common senses a bit and tells Mulder all the reasons there is no Jersey Devil. Then they go to Atlantic City. We all know who wears the pants and has their name on the door in this relationship.

After, you know, investigatey stuff turns up nothing Scull-dawg goes home for a nephew's birthday party where she hooks up with a divorced dad. Meanwhile, Mulder has traded places with a homeless guy who has claimed to see a thing. Mulder sees a thing. But, in CLASSIC MULDER style, before he can chase it down he's arrested for being belligerent to some cops who are sweeping the area. Mulder confronts the sheriff, whom he's clashed a bit with already, saying the man is so obviously covering up something even if he doesn't know what is it to protect the tourism trade.

Scully's date sucks because the dude isn't me. I'd have treated her right and shown her a good time. Her and her red hair. I'mengagedI'mengagedI'mengagedI'mengagedI'mengagedScully's date is sucking when Mulder calls to bail her out of the drunk tank a three hour drive away. She does, because she's loyal, then she mocks him because she has balls somewhere in her very 90s tailored suit. I'm thinking the shoulders. Possibly the hips.

Anyway, thing 1 and thing 2 go see an anthropologist who is first dismissive then receptive about everything Mulder says. Someone got rules Cliff's Notes. So now, armed with the scientific opinion of one dude, it's stake out time. No creature but creature artifacts. It's using tools, you guys!

Eventually they (local cops + Mulder) corner our new missing link in a big abandoned building. The very feminine (and kinda hot) creature tackles Mulder to the ground but doesn't hurt him because, according to Mr. Mulder, it's trying to protect it's babies and realized he wasn't trying to hurt her. This despite him clearly being with the guys clearly trying to hurt her. SWAT hurts the "Devil", but she gets away, only to be killed right after being tranqued on Mulder's command for capture. classic. Mulder is pissed, the local cops are relieved.

In mop up Scully confirms that the creatures womb appears to have signs of having given birth. Later there's a dirty baby devil in the woods near a hiking man and boy. At some point that I honestly don't remember Scully is invited on a second date with single-dad-man and turns him down because she's all about the work.

It's an enjoyable episode. One that if you saw it on SciFi^SyFy(yes, I'm that guy) you could enjoy while eating dinner or something, but not one that if you were checking ahead on your DVR you would go "OH! Record that one for later!" Unless you really want to see the hot chick be nakedish, in which case may I introduce you to my friend, Internet. He has all that and more. What I really don't get though is why this episode was named and connected to the Jersey Devil. It's not the Devil of legend even a little. It could have been moved to any town in the country near woods and worked fine with a made-up long time local legend about woods cannibals. I hear Jersey Devil I want either wings or hockey skates!



Shadows (1x05) - I have a theory about shadows and shadow beings and the word shadow and The X-Files. It leads to suck. We'll cover that again later, unfortunately. For now we have Shadows, episode 6 and third in a string of "really?"

There's a woman who, when she gets upset, causes accidents. Like killing the shit out of two terrorists who tried to rob her at an ATM for some damn reason. Lauren seems to have no control of the things that happen. Like when our intrepid agents car goes bonkers and later has so much electrical energy that the headlights JUST STAY ON OOOOOOOH. Her former boss suicided so she wants to leave her job--and the state it seems. The leftover partner doesn't want her to go because he thinks she knows things she shouldn't. Possibly about the terrorists who tried to rob her. He threatens her, then sends assassins after her (really? escalate much?) but they are killed by the invisible force that is viewable on ATM cameras.

M&S eventually just ask Lauren about the secret terrorist connections and she admits it's all true. Also he killed the boss she liked. Then the living boss tries to kill her, but the dead one saves her. And then she leaves the city. In mop up we get a semi-funny bit where a glass starts to shake and Lauren thinks it's the boss, but it's a truck outside! Easily a skippable episode in all respects.



Ghost in the Machine (1x06) - I fucking love this episode for reasons I don't even fully understand. By today's standards it's ridiculous. Programmer Brad Wilczek built a computer, the COS, as part of his (former) company. After Brad is removed the COS project is slated to be killed, only the now sentient computer decides it would rather live.

Muldawg & Sculldawg are brought in when Mulder's former partner Agent OneEpisode asks him for help on a screwey case of the company's CEO being dead in a weird way. He needs Mulder because he kinda really screwed up a hate crimes case and cost a judge some body parts. Somehow. Mulder Mulders by being the only person to notice that the suit was on the phone when he died, and puts together the parts of an elaborate death trap involving the phone, the sink, and electricity. Since this is all controlled by the COS the building super is asked about who could or would be able to make the computer do the things it did. Right here is a thing, I love the super from the moment he walks on screen. There's no REASON, he's just a coolish guy.

So, the super takes some time and comes back with a list of one name. Brad Wilczek. The agents talk to him and the fun begins when the word hacker is said with reverence and Phone Phreak is spoken like anyone knows what that is. Brad later tries to access the COS from his home system but can't, so he goes to the building where he finds it talking despite never giving it the power of speech. Weird. When the COS kills another guy Brad confesses and takes the fall. Meanwhile, Mulder meets up with Deep Throat who hints around that maybe the gummymint wants Brad so they can make him build weapons systems (Hippie Brad who followed The Grateful Dead isn't going for it.)

The COS also bugs Scully's network for some reason with information it pulled from municipal systems. She discovers this and She and Him sheriff up and head to the building, where the power is out. The power is out so she has to climb through air ducts. She has to climb through air ducts so the computer can try to kill her with the old spinning fans trick. Which never works, sentient computers. Pay attention. While she's almost dying–and firing her gun for the first time–Mulder is using a virus given to him by Brad to destroy the COS. Completely. Which pisses off the super whom, it turns out, BREAKS MY HEART BY BEING A SECRET GOVERNMENT AGENT. He wants the COS for his bosses. Luckily, Scully shows up just after he does his reveal and holds her gun on him while Mulder pops in the virus and kills everything.

During mop up we learn that Brad Wilczek has turned up missing. Deep Throat kinda sarcastically asks Mulder what he thought would happen and implies that, come hell or high water, the gubment will get what they want from double murder confessing Wilczek. Like I said, I love this episode despite it's ridiculousness. It's one of the ones I randomly watch when I'm not marathoning.



Ice (1x07) - Ah, Ice. Another one of those instant classics. It's hard to go wrong with an adaption of Who Goes There?, famously adapted as the amazing movie The Thing.

To sum up, Mulder, Scully, Felicity Huffman, Kenny Bania, another dude, and another dude head to a place in Alaska where an ice drilling team vanished. Turns out they're all dead, the last survivors by their own hands. After plot and science it turns out the ice drilling team may have pulled up a worm from the freeze which infected them and caused them to flip out and get angry. Of course, both the pilot and Mulder are attacked by the scientists dog which leads to a paranoid environment where no one is sure who is infected and thus may flip out and kill everyone.

Sciencesciencescience happens and it turns out one worm will kill another worm, so all they have to do is pick out the infected and infect them again. Which is nice. Only Bania and the pilot are dead by this point and Mulder is suspected of being infected (shock: he's not). A fight breaks out when they try to reinfect him, turns out it's Felicity Huffman, and they all get to go home when the blizzard of plot clears up. During mop up it turns out the whole facility was burned to the ground by the government as a containment measure, effectively destroying what Mulder is sure is alien life. Why they didn't drill again isn't really explored. Nor is the connection between the anger management worms and the later Black Oil aliens who are about 80% the same. This is another just rocking episode. Paranoia and Felicity Huffman, what more could you want?

they've given me a number, but they take away my name

I've decided, literally just now, to do this on about a disc by disc basis. They're broken up into about 4 episodes a disc. Now, if there's one thing I'm good at–and believe me, there's one–it's marathoning TV on DVD. On more than one occasion, unable to sleep, I've overnighted a "Complete x Season" of Y show. Scrubs, Oz, Parker Lewis Can't Lose once thanks to Netflix. I say that not just to brag but to make it so that later I can change the disc-by-disc format into something bigger when I watch a whole season between Saturday morning and Sunday night without doing anything else. Don't expect it, but don't not...expect...it. Yes.

Warning: these are actually really plot rewrite heavy. Like, really. It'll taper off. Exciting newness and whatnot. Sorry.

The X-Files Season 1, disc 1

Pilot (1x79) - Ah, the pilot. Who knew teaming up a pretty redhead and a not-ugly dork would lead to 9 years of 'what the fuck' moments. Not to mention frustrating no-answers and/or bad answers. BUT WE WILL GET TO THAT. We have to start 17 years ago (holy shit, really?!) in 1993. I would have been in about the 6th grade when the show debuted. I wish I were among the select few who could say I was there from the very beginning. Beginningish, but not pilot beginning.

So, it's 1993, Mulder meet Scully, Mulder and Scully meet Billy Miles. World meet awesome. Gillian Anderson is gorgeous and David Duchovny is a cool good looking dork who will not love you. (Although, maybe) A lot of shit happens just to get this episode rolling. Scully gets her job watching over and (hopefully) debunking Mulder, Mulder plays the cool rogue when they meet but shows that he has the will and ability to not only know she's coming but research her before she does. Also, a mysterious cigarette-smoking-dude in a suit watches from the shadows. Then we're off to the races. Right away Mulder brings out a case of strange goings on in a small town, and right away Scully says sciencesciencescience. Best go check it out to be sure.

In said small town, while finding weird things, coma people, and obstruction from the locals, Scully freaks out about marks on her body much like the ones they came to investigate which leads to the first Mulder/Scully "relationship scene" when she runs to his hotel room to have him examine her while still in her underwear. Everyone reacts platonically. Then they hang out and Mulder expositions all over the place about his missing sister. Let the shippers begin.

Anyway, and here's a sentence you'll be hearing a lot, it turns out Mulder is right! There's aliens here. There's implants in noses. There's mysterious evidence destroying fires. Then, suddenly, there's no mysterious coma guy because Mulder & Scully watch him and a girl get taken by the aliens!

This whole episode was TV changing. You had to watch the whole hour to know what was going on, and even then maybe ask someone else who watched. You know something untoward is happening when the boss and the mysterious dude question Scully very pointedly about the validity of Mulder's investigations on the X-File cases. And then mystery man ups the stakes by hiding evidence. In the pentagon. Really, you have to know what's next and why things are happening. Like I said, I didn't see the pilot the first time around, but I did catch it later and even knowing some of the down the lines stuff it's fascinating TV.



Deep Throat (1x01) - And we're right back to the meat of the story, which is really satisfying considering the amount of Monster-of-the-Week episodes to come. And I say that as someone who loves MotW episodes. Anyway, Deep Throat introduces, wait for it, Deep Throat, Mulder's "contact" who may or may not be telling him the truth at any given time. We meet him with Mulder, which is good because we can not trust him right along with Scully and really question why Mulder is so willing to follow his bread crumbs, then feel bad about it when they bear fruit. Mixed metaphors, bitch, get used to them!

What actually goes on? Mulder and Scully hang out in a bar–for the only time ever, I believe–and Mulder tells Scully about missing pilots at not Area 51, including one who just went missing a few months ago. When Mulder goes to the bathroom he's confronted by an old white guy who tells him to forget all about the air force base. And, like all forbidden fruit, Mulder redoubles his efforts and tells mystery knowledgeable man that he intends to find him some truth. Deep Throat then vanishes into the bar when Mulder stumbles into a conveniently placed patron outside of the bathroom. I BELIEVE HE WAS PART OF THE CONSPIRACY.

Later, at home, Mulder thinks his phone is bugged and very cleverly tells Scull-dog that SHE WAS RIGHT AND THIS CASE IS NOWHERESVILLE. Then in person says they're off to the base. Because the conspiracy is very stupid, or something. To Idaho they go, where they speak to another missing pilot's wife while the pilot is acting all weirdlike. Scully sciencesciencesciences a thing about stereotypy (I guess) and thinks the freaky pilots are probably failure from Project Aurora, which is real. Mulder dismisses this, because Mulder dismisses things that are so clearly straw grasps.

At a diner our intrepid duo notices the massive amount of UFOlogists about. Mulder buys an alien aircraft photo and Scully calls him a sucker in the first of her two really awesome moments in the show. This one's short, lots miss it, but it's hilarious. But then, because he's Mulder, he shows her up by also getting a hand drawn map to the cool hidden UFOy things in the neighborhood. Following this they stumble upon a spot where they see what looks like aircraft doing things aircraft simply can not do. And a stoned, very redheaded, Seth Green with some chickie who (for the price of a burger) spill their guts about everything they've ever seen. Also, Seth Green uses a hamburger like a toy. Robot Chicken is part of the conspiracy.

Then, weirdly, "Pilot Budahas" shows up at home. Only Mrs. Pilot Budahas says he is not who he is. And Mulder confirms this, to his mind, by asking him a question about airplanes he can't answer. And, by all rights, Mulder shouldn't be able to answer since later Scully has to tell him what a caduceus is. I mean, come on! When the agents are leaving they're pulled over by nondescript guys in nondescript dark suits in a nondescript Cadillac. Mulder knows the deal, but has no choice but to get out of the car for them while they remove every trace of evidence they have, then punch Mulder. Not cool, guys. That's not how you get recurring roles. Just sayin'.

M&S argue blah blah about secrets and the keeping thereof. Then, by himself, Mulder has stoned Seth Green show him how to get into the base. And asks for directions to not Hangar 18 where the cool stuff is supposed to be. And goes. And gets caught by a craft. Classic Mulder.

Scully starts to freak out about stuff like no phone lines and a missing partner because, in early episodes, whenever they were separate Scully usually spent her time freaking out or getting her pretty ass kicked. Or sometimes shooting stuff. One of the dudes Scully doesn't trust and I didn't bother to mention shows up and, after transpirings, she takes him hostage. Now comes her second cool moment as, while we see stuff happening to Mulder, Scully takes dudely and forces him to make them free him. Though she forgot to bargain for his memory and when he comes staggering out to the car he remembers nada about what he saw. Which sucks because, really, it's exactly what he was hoping to see when he got on the plane to Idaho. CLASSIC MULDER.

Back in D.C. Mulder and Deep Throat meet up on a track, which I'm sure is significant if you try hard enough, and DT tells Mulder that he and Scully could well be in danger. Then tells him he can slip him information. This is not suspicious.

A really great episode. Scully shows her balls for the first time, Mulder has the truth ripped from his hands (or head) for the first time, and the audience gets the first chance to be skeptical of someone's motives. Or at least me. I could be alone in not trusting Deep Throat from the beginning.



Squeeze (1x02) - Aah, our first bit of Monster-of-the-week. And it's a classic. First, definition time:

Monster-of-the-Week: Generally speaking, Monster-of-the-Week episodes are any which feature one (or two) episode-off antagonists for our heroes, while holding no or very tenuous connection to the overall Mytharc of the show.

Mytharc: The overall, all encompassing, storyline of the show. Think aliens, government coverups, and government alien ups.

Got that? Now some will tell you that one type of episode is better than the other, but in truth it's about even as to good episodes, bad episodes, and just good and bad TV. ON TO THE SHOW.

Squeeze is, or was, an instant classic in X-Files history. The first MotW, completely forgetting about aliens and concentrating on just some fd up stuff happening somewhere in America. Bodymore, Murdaland Wrong show. Baltimore, Maryland to be specific. What goes on there? Apparently, every 30 years, five people die. Losing their livers in the process. And Scully's old buddy No-one-cares-stop-being-an-ass-to-Mulder would like her help with the recent crop because they're weird. Oh, and if she has to bring Spooky along from the basement, that's her own lookout. Oddly enough, it's ol' Spooky who finds the 30 year cycle, which everyone dismisses.

Doing regular old FBI style work Scull-cap nets herself a suspect–Eugene Victor Tooms. A creepy dude crawling around the airshafts of a building at night. This also fits Mulder's odd theories because he wonders if maybe someone can fit through tiny tiny spaces. They question him and he passes his lie detector test, except for the weird questions Mulder threw in about being alive in 1933. Weird, huh? It only gets weirder when we learn that Mulder was right all along when he shows Scully a very advanced bit of fingerprinting that matches an elongated fingerprint with Tooms' perfectly. A further killing spree in 1903 makes Scully wonder if maybe the murders were done by Tooms' family. To be fair this is only episode 3, she doesn't know better yet.

The agents find an investigator of the 1933 string of murders, who it turns out agrees with Mulder because he also did some under the table investigating of EVT in 1963. He gives them a bit of liver and tells them about missing/stolen "personal items", then shows them an old picture of Tooms looking exactly the same as he does now. Mulder and Scully head to EVT's home where Mulder touches bile covered newspaper and is all "ewwwww!". Mulder gives Scully all the details about what he thinks. Eugene is a 30 year hibernation period having, liver eating, mutant who can stretch. So she agrees they should stake the place out. They're only two (SUPER) agents, though, so they get relieved by guys on Scully's old buddies squad. Who he immediately pulls off of that detail as a waste of time. Again, to be fair, we're never going to hear from this guy again and he never had a chance to learn the rules. Mulder, who is right, finds no one at Tooms' place when he stops by. Pissed he calls Scully, who is at home. Mostly so we know Scully is at home and have a reason to see her running a bath when Tooms breaks in to her place to eat her liver.

Our girl is saved by Tooms' overactive bile excretion when he drips on her giving her enough warning to Get her Gunn. Mulder tries to call her, but gets no answer, so like the over-protective semi-tool he is he rushes right to her place. Scully and Tooms are fighting inside when Mulder busts in and, in the confusion. she manages to cuff him to a pipe. Got cha, sucka!

In mop up we see EVT in his prison cell disgustingly making another newspaper nest and suspiciously eyeing the tiny slit his food is given to him through. IS THIS THE END OF EUGENE VICTOR TOOMS?

Well, no. But that's later. This was a damn good episode. Tooms was way fucking creepy, helped out quite a bit by things like the SFX department putting sound effects on his stretching. And the bile. God, that was nasty. Tooms was one of the first episodes I ever saw (in reruns) and I new the show would be amazing as long as it could stay half as creepy.



Conduit (1x03) - I have a weird relationship with Conduit. For some reason, no matter what, it just never holds my attention the whole hour. I don't know the why. I go in with good intentions and just kinda wander.

Have you heard the new DEVO album? It's pretty fucking goo--

Right. So, Conduit. A little boy watches his sister get vanished (just like Mulder). Mulder finds out about this (via tabloid headline) and wants to investigate. After some convincing, Mulder convinces Scully who convinces the bosses who were previously just not going for it. When they get to the kid's house he's watching a snowy TV and writing down 1s and 0s in seemingly random patterns. This is important. When the agents try to investigate they're stonewalled all over the place for some reason. Mulder, having faxed the kids binary page, is suddenly very interesting to the NSA who have intercepted the transmission because it contains snippets of defense satellite transmissions.* A whole bunch of the kids pages have been "decrypted" and it contains a whole bunch of stuff.

*The elephant in the room. None of this kids pages of 1s and 0s come close to having enough information on them to have the stuff they say they have. Oops

Aaaanyway, Mulder suspects that the kid was influenced by the aliens who stole his sister and that's why he can pick up binary from the tv. When he finds a dead body with a note in the wallet they somehow realize it was written by the same girl who had written a note earlier and when they talk to her she spills all kind of local secret beans. Something about pregnancy and lies about pregnancy and that she killed the dead body in the woods. Scully is ready to check out, Mulder isn't because it's just like what happened to him and his sister. And through sheer luck Scully happens to be upstairs in a building while downstairs they are laying out the binary pages into the exact grid they have to be laid out to make a big mosaic drawing. Weird coincidence, but that's ok because we're almost home.

M&S go to the campsite where the boy watched his sister vanish and, following a fresh trail, find a girl theyd met earlier all out of breath from being chased by a dude. Dude is found walking towards lights which, wait for it, are headlights from offroaders. Valedictorian he is. Then Scully screams because she's found the sister, unconscious. Sister is vague about where she's been, mom is coverupy for the sake of their reputations, brother is creepy at Mulder.

In mop up Scully listens to a tape of Mulder's regression hypnotherapy, which contains the infamous line "I want to believe." And credits.

It's just, I don't know. I don't care about this episode 10 minutes into this episode. I don't know if this is a worse crime than kinda caring about an episode only to be deflated by it in the last 5 minutes (Gender Bender) or what, but it is what it is. The awesome can't last long, three in a row is a good start. Unfortunately the lame to meh episodes continue for the next two. 3 on 3 off? We'll see!

XXX

OHMYGODWHATISTHIS?!
I don't know how I got here.
I am not good with computar.

Oh yes, it's been more than a little while since I've done this thing here. There were reasons. Little ones, big ones, weird ones. None good. Well, that's not true, there were some that may have been good but not worth quacking on about.

I am are here and I am are taking on another project. Because it gives me AIM. Or something. Whatever. Thing.

This project, which shall start directly, much like the 100 movies mostly involves me passively watching television then talking about it to...nobodyish. Nobody and you. You who is the most important person in the world to me! I love you!

I was going to find a book of 'best books' and read through them then talk about them to nobodyish ('cept you, baby) but I couldn't find a good one. So I'm back to reading Terry Pratchett. Win/win, really. Instead, I shall watch the entire run of The X-Files on DVD and babble on about those. 'Why?', I hear you asking, and the truth is I did a thing that I shouldn't have done–or at least did a thing before I should have done it–and now am the proud owner of The Complete Series box set. Which is sexy, but expensive. But not as expensive as it SHOULD HAVE been. So I want to get some very specific use out of it before it collects dust next to my Complete The Wire on a shelf to be pulled down every 4-6 months and run through again. Yeah. That. Unlike, say, my Complete Monty Python which has discs randomly pulled from it randomly. I like TV. Leave me alone.

So, here's the plan, which I reserve the right to break and leave unfulfilled: I'll marathon the series (plus movies) and write up random thoughts on each episode. I'm going to avoid out-and-out reviews (The AV Club is doing a good job at that. Though I'll lap them in terms of episodes done in no time) but will make sure to mention when an episode is just really really good and when one is ungodly bad.

I was actually halfway through the first season when it dawned on me to do this and finished it before I decided to go ahead with it, so I'll have some fast and furious posts for that up, then things'll slow down.

You are likely to be eaten by a grue

Long time no post. No real reason why, just haven't done it. I guess I was a little burnt out after the movie reviews.

It's not like things haven't been happening; moving steadily towards moving. Passport get, visa papers more or less readied if not actually sent–waiting for the second half from the bride-to-be‐and on pace to have enough funds to make the move, if not to live high on the hog when I get there & need to start sending out CVs or resumes or whatevers right away. So that's exciting.

Also exciting? It's Shamrock Shake time, baby! With a McDonalds right up the road it's very difficult not to suck one down on a daily basis. Mmmm mint.

Anyway, I more-or-less officially scaled back on the 52 nonfiction books this year thing, only to start requesting nf books from the library. I read I Am Ozzy, which was actually a decent read, but held no revelations if you've seen Behind the Music. Except for the fact that when he was supposedly clean on The Osbournes he was still sneaking off and drinking & smoking weed. But, you know, NOW he's clean.

Also read The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks, which was amazing. If you've ever had an interest in biology/cells/cell rights you have to read it. The Lacks family, uneducated and poor, got screwed so much that they just turned to paranoiac angry stone at times, and it's hard not to rally behind them. But at the same time, how many amazing things happened from those cells? And they were following then-current guidelines. It's all murky. It continues to be murky.

Right now I'm reading Sudhir Alladi Venkatesh's Gang Leader for a Day, about a(n Indian) sociologists experiences in the inner city of Chicago being with gangs. I only started it last night, but so far so good. And on the table I have big, thick bios of Orson Welles & William Randolph Hearst. The Welles one is actually part one of three, I think, all massive. Nonetheless, this'll be my Citizen Kane period.

I had some book, some eater's manifesto thing that I can't remember the title of (it boiled down to "Eat food. Mostly Plants. Not too much.") that I saw on the Daily Show, but reading it bored me too much to finish.

So, that's me. HOORAY.

"Singer"

When I started this project, a cursory glance told me there were a number of items on it that I had no interest in watching. Either having seen them before, or having heard about them and knowing what they were about or whatever, I knew I did not wish to see them. Still, I tried. I tried every single movie for at least a while (with the caveat that the Lord of the Rings picture"s" are one movie that you were fooled into purchasing three tickets for to see the entire thing. Search your heart, you know this to be true.) Weirdly enough there are a bunch of them in this top 9+1.

15. 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) - I've never known what to think of this movie. There are two camps, it seems. People either think this is the single greatest piece of science-fiction (or SyFy) ever lensed, or they think it's ungodly boring. I fall solidly into the second camp. No stars because I only made it to about the halfway point.

8. Schindler's List (1993) - This movie...god this movie. I'd seen it twice before this viewing, vowing ater both I would never watch it again. It's painful and depressing and just too much. Five Stars and this time I'm never watching it again for real.

7. Lawrence of Arabia (1962) - Isn't this movie British? In, like, every way? I don't know why it's on this list, but I do know it's a damn good lullaby. Maybe I just hate "epics". I don't know. I do know this, too, I didn't finish. No stars

6. Gone with the Wind (1939) - And another one. What the hell? Even realizing the era it's set in I just can not take this movie. Every time a character darker than a sheer of notebook paper opens their mouth I either cringed (chicken chasing) or was filled with rage (everything Hattie McDaniel did). I'm not oversensitive, I don't think. I can forgive some things as being products of their era. Hell, I Love Lucy is one of my favourite TV shows and the only few black characters are the racist porter stereotype when they're in LA and I love those episodes. I can read Eisner's The Spirit even with Ebony White looking like a monkey and talking da jibe talk. But this movie just pissed me off. It should be noted I couldn't watch The Jazz Singer either.

5. Singin' in the Rain (1952) - I can not explain how much I love this movie–and how shocked by that even I was. I avoided this movie for years just because I thought the plot was ridiculous, and as a musical? Bah. I did not expect it to be fucking hilarious. Five Stars may not be enough considering the singing/dancing, humor, drama, and love story.

4. Raging Bull (1980) - And here's a little hypocrisy. Some of the first lines of dialogue in this movie are Joe Pesci yelling about moulinyans (as seems to be his wont) but god DAMN this is a fine movie. Brilliant, brilliant performance by Robert De Niro especially. Pesci & Cathy Moriarty ain't half bad, either. Scorsese's best film by a long shot. Five stars despite airy punches.

3. Casablanca (1942) - Oft called the most romantic movie ever. Hard to fight with. Not many, then or especially now, had or have the guts to end a movie in such a way. Even though you want it to go one way it HAS to go the other. Five Stars even with the myriad flaws

2. The Godfather (1972) - It's still not as good as II. II is amazing. But ya know what? The end (everything from the baptism to the credits) is about the best ending in the history of film. Five Stars, but that means II gets like...another 1/4 of a star.

1. Citizen Kane (1941) - Best. Greatest. Most amazing film ever. The first time I saw it I ended up watching it at least once a week for about two months. It still enraptures me when I watch. There's a scene in an episode of The Sopranos where Carmella & the girls watch it (doing what I just finished in reverse, as a matter of fact) and after are bored. This scene just bothered the hell out of me. I don't know how anyone can watch it and come to any such conclusion. Five Stars cos I can't give it ten. And, no, there's no "error" with the last words getting out; the majordomo is there.


And so, that's that. Lots of good, some bad, a few overrated, some I can't even watch. I'm very happy to have done this, though. Educational. I feel all cultured and shit. Classy fucker, right here. Got bunched and bunches of time on your hands and love movies? I recommend taking it–or similar–as your own challenge.

Unless you're these bitches here. Bitches.

Owwie, owwie, owwie

As anyone who knows me is well aware, I suffer from what the doctors, in their infinite wisdom, call "chronic pain". This, of course, is using the continuing a long time or recurring frequently definition of chronic. I don't really like the term, because to other, hell even from doctor to doctor, it can mean different things. Different amounts of pain you're in for how much of the day. Allow me to explain for myself:

A lot. All the time.

This is not an exaggeration, though I wish it was. I wish I were being hyperbolic when I say things like "before I finally fell asleep last night I spent quite a while laying in the dark, staring at the ceiling, wishing it would go away. Tossing and turning to find the comfortable position, the one that didn't make it worse." I really wish I didn't have to ever admit that "it was so bad yesterday I was in/near tears, folded up as much as possible trying everything in the world to distract myself." I don't think the doctors believe me when, sitting in front of them for the 10 minute meeting that I drove an hour and a half then waited another half in the waiting room for, that "right now? It's about an 8. It has been getting to 10s though" and "No, there's nothing that triggers it". You know, nothing but the god damn congenital, incurable, bone disease I have. You know, the one that every doctor I've seen for any amount of time has (eventually) explained to be "the worst case they've ever seen."

I think they (and other people, frankly) don't believe me, because after nearly 30 years of this pain. This pain that almost never lets up. This pain that, at the best times in my life, I'm feeling. This pain that has caused me to miss out on much. I think they don't believe me because I have become quite the expert in masking it. You're talking about someone who, in their own house, will whimper and screw up their face the first 3-4 steps after standing up, then force them self to stop as soon as they're through the bedroom door lest family see. Family who know.

Nonetheless, believe how bad I tell them it is or not, they are willing to drug me up. At this moment I'm (supposed to be, had the moron kid-doc not messed up the script so that I now have to go back and get it anew) on 40mg of Kadian, a time release morphine three times a day. This is couples with 100mg of "stripped down codeine", Tramadol, which is supposed to be for "breakthrough pain" (read: the pain that bleeds through the morphine). I take it the full three times a day because there is always pain coming through the morphine. Additionally to that they recently went ahead and added another 15mg of straight Morphine. I don't like taking that, it can mess with my head. But when I do take it I have found that the 15mg does nothing much so I go ahead and take a full pill instead of the half, making it 30mg.

There are other drugs, anti-convulsant to stop the shooting pains, anti-inflammatorys, blah blah. Being on so many drugs means having to deal with the side effects of so many drugs. If I have to drive, I will limit myself to one kind, just in case, because if both of them hit me at once I will end up with heavy eyelids or this weird distraction thing that happens to me to cause me to just kinda zone out. That doesn't happen often because of the types of main drugs I've got. I take them at the same time and the time delay of the one seems to help. The Tramadol alone, though, has some bitches of side effects. For hours after I've taken it it's just impossible to urinate. I'm fairly certain it's the cause of the weird back pains that pop up when I'm not moving. When I've had to rely on it too much it makes me irritable, which is to say causes me to be short with people I love who have no idea why other than I'm a tool. These, however, are the side effects I prefer to have, as the stuff can also cause seizures and withdrawal symptoms while still on it and all kinds of nastiness. I am now however wondering if it's the cause of my problems swallowing I sometimes have.

See, this was originally going to be a post describing the pain, but I found that incredibly hard to do. I mean, I got it, but it was a bad read. The best piece of writing in it was as follows:

Imagine you're sitting, arm around the person you love. You're watching a movie, and everything is good. Except that, still, you're hurting. From your knee to your ankle there's a throbbing. In fact, your knee kinda feels like someone Nancy Kerrigan'd it. As a result, you spend the majority of your time crossing and uncrossing your legs, lifting them this way and that, mostly habitually, hoping on the outside chance you can make it stop. Around the time you notice the muscle in your thigh on one leg is doing that almost throbbing/letting you know it's there thing you're asked "Are you OK?" Without even thinking you respond that you are and then up the pain masking you think you've been doing. This is more-or-less a typical scenario, only the love of my life isn't always there. Though, ya know, soon!

Suffice it to say, it sucks. But such is life. And I'm used to it at this point. The only thing that really sucks about it still is the people not exactly believing. That I can do without.

This isn't about nuts!

My life is weird. There are times when I don't sleep for 2-3-4 days in a row, then an unrelated string where I can't stay awake for more than a few hours at a time. Today (and yesterday, and late Saturday) has been the latter for me. It's very annoying, the days when I end up sleeping in a seated position at the head of my bed while whatever random thing I'm watching continues to play an I wake up pretending it never happened.

In the only other bit of news, I put aside the Hitchens book in favor of burning through Persepolis because non fiction comics are still non fiction. Suck on THAT. Anyway, Persepolis is an odd read, kinda jumbley in places, but nonetheless an enlightening read. Totally recommended. Back to Hitchens as early as tomorrow. Not sure what comes after. Depends on the library, really.

So, I says to Mable, I says.

Some serious Netflix dickery caused #15 2001 to only arrive this weekend. I had to skip it and skip it and such. There'll be more on it specifically next post.

13. Star Wars* (1977) - Whiny main character, bad effects, plot holes (but that's the series, which the fans hate.) *sigh* what's not to love. I can't wait to sit the fiancee in front of it to watch it for real so she can see the Five Star entertainment.

12. The Searchers (1956) - I don't know what I feel about this movie. It's a western, so I was expecting to get bored and be done with it before it finished, but it actually held my attention the whole way through. On the other hand, a big part of the reason for that was that it was so incredibly racist and I wanted to see where it went next. Not to mention, according to every article in the world about kids kidnapped by Indians, inaccurate about how she would respond to an attempted rescue. The whole movie is like one long excuse to hate Natives and justify it. I can't rate it.

11. City Lights (1931) - I'm not sure what to think of this either. Right after t started I nearly switched it off because a bunch of characters were "talking" like adults in Peanuts cartoons. (silent movie with music, instruments were used to approximate voice sounds with no words) I powered through, though, and that cut out and an actual movie happened. Funny, funny gags, but I really don't get how it's #1 in Romantic-Comedies. There's very little of the romance and it's spread thin. In fact, the romance could easily be replaced with The Tramp's affection with another kid he sees between getting trashed with the millionaire. Three Stars on principle, I guess, but there's so many other Chaplin flicks I'd rather watch,

10. The Wizard of Oz (1939) - The sister's favourite movie. Loves it, she does. So I've seen it 10 bazillion times and purchased her approximately 90 copies for various gift giving occasions. I have to say, I truly enjoy it, though. The transition from sepia to colour hooked me as a kid, and having read the book (some of the books) now I have to say they captured most of the spirit of the thing, if not the entire plot. (Also good, the recent Marvel comic series). Five Stars, and not even only for sentimental reasons.

9. Vertigo (1958) - Wow. One of my favourite Hitch-flicks knocks me on my ass every time. When Scottie reveals that he figured everything out after seeing the necklace is such an awesome Explanation-Scene that they should have been renamed in Vertigo's honor. Five Stars is not enough for this movie.


*This is how it's titles on the list. As we all know its truly Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope

You can have whatever you like.

Longish time no (actual) blog (movie posts aside). I've been meaning to do so just to bitch about work and talk about how excited I am about the move & such, but I'm rather lazy. That and, on Monday, I stopped at the Discount Books shop and purchased an actual little black journal for $2 (two of them, actually, one black & one tan) and have been spilling myself into that. Doing so whenever the urge strikes me and I have the time. It's all utterly unreadable–even by me–but I think it's the scribbling itself that is therapeutic.

To talk here, the fiancée and I have come close to picking a home. There are two or three on the top of the list right now and she intends to call about them on [her] Monday [my Sunday night]. This news should probably be on the wedding site, but like the two lazy people we are we've let those slip and my Awesome Aussie has not even skinned or themed or whatevered. Nonetheless it's all happening and I couldn't be happier or more excited. Nerves are actually minimal and seem focused less on being/living in a whole new land (not to mention other things being done for the first time) as they are on the actual travel and getting the Visa and other bits of bureaucracy.

What else, what else? I hate my job this year. Makes the other ones look like a cake-walk. I've been bitched at constantly for things like saying "might be" instead of "may be" and have a pending "training call" because apparently I unprofessionally talked over someone on a call a week ago or something. I have no idea and frankly don't care. If it weren't so important right this second I would have quit already on principle. I am sick to death of these people. Especially since all day long I have callers telling me how pleasant and personable and helpful I am. It's a fat load of bullshit.

And now I'm upset and it's time to watch a movie I have no interest in. Damn, damn, damn!