My Pain Hurts

Meek and obedient you follow the leader

2010-06-30T21:04:00.000-07:00

Look how long that Conduit bit was! For an episode I don't care about! And here I was worried before I started I'd end up doing half a paragraph tops. I seem to have diarrhea of the fingers or something. Something is wrong with me!

The Jersey Devil (1x04) - A long, long time ago (I can still remember wh...no) a dude got dragged into the woods of New Jersey while his family watched him changing a tire. TODAY, Mulder has found out that a homeless guy has, also, been dragged into the woods in a somewhat similar manner. Fucking spooky, Spooky. He immediately jumps to the infamous–and real, if anything in cryptozoology can be considered "real"–Jersey Devil. Instead of sciencesciencescienceing, Scully common senses a bit and tells Mulder all the reasons there is no Jersey Devil. Then they go to Atlantic City. We all know who wears the pants and has their name on the door in this relationship.

After, you know, investigatey stuff turns up nothing Scull-dawg goes home for a nephew's birthday party where she hooks up with a divorced dad. Meanwhile, Mulder has traded places with a homeless guy who has claimed to see a thing. Mulder sees a thing. But, in CLASSIC MULDER style, before he can chase it down he's arrested for being belligerent to some cops who are sweeping the area. Mulder confronts the sheriff, whom he's clashed a bit with already, saying the man is so obviously covering up something even if he doesn't know what is it to protect the tourism trade.

Scully's date sucks because the dude isn't me. I'd have treated her right and shown her a good time. Her and her red hair. I'mengagedI'mengagedI'mengagedI'mengagedI'mengagedScully's date is sucking when Mulder calls to bail her out of the drunk tank a three hour drive away. She does, because she's loyal, then she mocks him because she has balls somewhere in her very 90s tailored suit. I'm thinking the shoulders. Possibly the hips.

Anyway, thing 1 and thing 2 go see an anthropologist who is first dismissive then receptive about everything Mulder says. Someone got rules Cliff's Notes. So now, armed with the scientific opinion of one dude, it's stake out time. No creature but creature artifacts. It's using tools, you guys!

Eventually they (local cops + Mulder) corner our new missing link in a big abandoned building. The very feminine (and kinda hot) creature tackles Mulder to the ground but doesn't hurt him because, according to Mr. Mulder, it's trying to protect it's babies and realized he wasn't trying to hurt her. This despite him clearly being with the guys clearly trying to hurt her. SWAT hurts the "Devil", but she gets away, only to be killed right after being tranqued on Mulder's command for capture. classic. Mulder is pissed, the local cops are relieved.

In mop up Scully confirms that the creatures womb appears to have signs of having given birth. Later there's a dirty baby devil in the woods near a hiking man and boy. At some point that I honestly don't remember Scully is invited on a second date with single-dad-man and turns him down because she's all about the work.

It's an enjoyable episode. One that if you saw it on ~~SciFi~~^SyFy(yes, I'm that guy) you could enjoy while eating dinner or something, but not one that if you were checking ahead on your DVR you would go "OH! Record that one for later!" Unless you really want to see the hot chick be nakedish, in which case may I introduce you to my friend, Internet. He has all that and more. What I really don't get though is why this episode was named and connected to the Jersey Devil. It's not the Devil of legend even a little. It could have been moved to any town in the country near woods and worked fine with a made-up long time local legend about woods cannibals. I hear Jersey Devil I want either wings or hockey skates!

Shadows (1x05) - I have a theory about shadows and shadow beings and the word shadow and The X-Files. It leads to suck. We'll cover that again later, unfortunately. For now we have Shadows, episode 6 and third in a string of "really?"

There's a woman who, when she gets upset, causes accidents. Like killing the shit out of two terrorists who tried to rob her at an ATM for some damn reason. Lauren seems to have no control of the things that happen. Like when our intrepid agents car goes bonkers and later has so much electrical energy that the headlights JUST STAY ON OOOOOOOH. Her former boss suicided so she wants to leave her job--and the state it seems. The leftover partner doesn't want her to go because he thinks she knows things she shouldn't. Possibly about the terrorists who tried to rob her. He threatens her, then sends assassins after her (really? escalate much?) but they are killed by the invisible force that is viewable on ATM cameras.

M&S eventually just ask Lauren about the secret terrorist connections and she admits it's all true. Also he killed the boss she liked. Then the living boss tries to kill her, but the dead one saves her. And then she leaves the city. In mop up we get a semi-funny bit where a glass starts to shake and Lauren thinks it's the boss, but it's a truck outside! Easily a skippable episode in all respects.

Ghost in the Machine (1x06) - I fucking love this episode for reasons I don't even fully understand. By today's standards it's ridiculous. Programmer Brad Wilczek built a computer, the COS, as part of his (former) company. After Brad is removed the COS project is slated to be killed, only the now sentient computer decides it would rather live.

Muldawg & Sculldawg are brought in when Mulder's former partner Agent OneEpisode asks him for help on a screwey case of the company's CEO being dead in a weird way. He needs Mulder because he kinda really screwed up a hate crimes case and cost a judge some body parts. Somehow. Mulder Mulders by being the only person to notice that the suit was on the phone when he died, and puts together the parts of an elaborate death trap involving the phone, the sink, and electricity. Since this is all controlled by the COS the building super is asked about who could or would be able to make the computer do the things it did. Right here is a thing, I love the super from the moment he walks on screen. There's no REASON, he's just a coolish guy.

So, the super takes some time and comes back with a list of one name. Brad Wilczek. The agents talk to him and the fun begins when the word hacker is said with reverence and Phone Phreak is spoken like anyone knows what that is. Brad later tries to access the COS from his home system but can't, so he goes to the building where he finds it talking despite never giving it the power of speech. Weird. When the COS kills another guy Brad confesses and takes the fall. Meanwhile, Mulder meets up with Deep Throat who hints around that maybe the gummymint wants Brad so they can make him build weapons systems (Hippie Brad who followed The Grateful Dead isn't going for it.)

The COS also bugs Scully's network for some reason with information it pulled from municipal systems. She discovers this and She and Him sheriff up and head to the building, where the power is out. The power is out so she has to climb through air ducts. She has to climb through air ducts so the computer can try to kill her with the old spinning fans trick. Which never works, sentient computers. Pay attention. While she's almost dying–and firing her gun for the first time–Mulder is using a virus given to him by Brad to destroy the COS. Completely. Which pisses off the super whom, it turns out, BREAKS MY HEART BY BEING A SECRET GOVERNMENT AGENT. He wants the COS for his bosses. Luckily, Scully shows up just after he does his reveal and holds her gun on him while Mulder pops in the virus and kills everything.

During mop up we learn that Brad Wilczek has turned up missing. Deep Throat kinda sarcastically asks Mulder what he thought would happen and implies that, come hell or high water, the gubment will get what they want from double murder confessing Wilczek. Like I said, I love this episode despite it's ridiculousness. It's one of the ones I randomly watch when I'm not marathoning.

Ice (1x07) - Ah, Ice. Another one of those instant classics. It's hard to go wrong with an adaption of Who Goes There?, famously adapted as the amazing movie The Thing.

To sum up, Mulder, Scully, Felicity Huffman, Kenny Bania, another dude, and another dude head to a place in Alaska where an ice drilling team vanished. Turns out they're all dead, the last survivors by their own hands. After plot and science it turns out the ice drilling team may have pulled up a worm from the freeze which infected them and caused them to flip out and get angry. Of course, both the pilot and Mulder are attacked by the scientists dog which leads to a paranoid environment where no one is sure who is infected and thus may flip out and kill everyone.

Sciencesciencescience happens and it turns out one worm will kill another worm, so all they have to do is pick out the infected and infect them again. Which is nice. Only Bania and the pilot are dead by this point and Mulder is suspected of being infected (shock: he's not). A fight breaks out when they try to reinfect him, turns out it's Felicity Huffman, and they all get to go home when the blizzard of plot clears up. During mop up it turns out the whole facility was burned to the ground by the government as a containment measure, effectively destroying what Mulder is sure is alien life. Why they didn't drill again isn't really explored. Nor is the connection between the anger management worms and the later Black Oil aliens who are about 80% the same. This is another just rocking episode. Paranoia and Felicity Huffman, what more could you want?

they've given me a number, but they take away my name

2010-06-30T18:36:00.000-07:00

I've decided, literally just now, to do this on about a disc by disc basis. They're broken up into about 4 episodes a disc. Now, if there's one thing I'm good at–and believe me, there's one–it's marathoning TV on DVD. On more than one occasion, unable to sleep, I've overnighted a "Complete x Season" of Y show. Scrubs, Oz, Parker Lewis Can't Lose once thanks to Netflix. I say that not just to brag but to make it so that later I can change the disc-by-disc format into something bigger when I watch a whole season between Saturday morning and Sunday night without doing anything else. Don't expect it, but don't not...expect...it. Yes.

Warning: these are actually really plot rewrite heavy. Like, really. It'll taper off. Exciting newness and whatnot. Sorry.

The X-Files Season 1, disc 1

Pilot (1x79) - Ah, the pilot. Who knew teaming up a pretty redhead and a not-ugly dork would lead to 9 years of 'what the fuck' moments. Not to mention frustrating no-answers and/or bad answers. BUT WE WILL GET TO THAT. We have to start 17 years ago (holy shit, really?!) in 1993. I would have been in about the 6th grade when the show debuted. I wish I were among the select few who could say I was there from the very beginning. Beginningish, but not pilot beginning.

So, it's 1993, Mulder meet Scully, Mulder and Scully meet Billy Miles. World meet awesome. Gillian Anderson is gorgeous and David Duchovny is a cool good looking dork who will not love you. (Although, maybe) A lot of shit happens just to get this episode rolling. Scully gets her job watching over and (hopefully) debunking Mulder, Mulder plays the cool rogue when they meet but shows that he has the will and ability to not only know she's coming but research her before she does. Also, a mysterious cigarette-smoking-dude in a suit watches from the shadows. Then we're off to the races. Right away Mulder brings out a case of strange goings on in a small town, and right away Scully says sciencesciencescience. Best go check it out to be sure.

In said small town, while finding weird things, coma people, and obstruction from the locals, Scully freaks out about marks on her body much like the ones they came to investigate which leads to the first Mulder/Scully "relationship scene" when she runs to his hotel room to have him examine her while still in her underwear. Everyone reacts platonically. Then they hang out and Mulder expositions all over the place about his missing sister. Let the shippers begin.

Anyway, and here's a sentence you'll be hearing a lot, it turns out Mulder is right! There's aliens here. There's implants in noses. There's mysterious evidence destroying fires. Then, suddenly, there's no mysterious coma guy because Mulder & Scully watch him and a girl get taken by the aliens!

This whole episode was TV changing. You had to watch the whole hour to know what was going on, and even then maybe ask someone else who watched. You know something untoward is happening when the boss and the mysterious dude question Scully very pointedly about the validity of Mulder's investigations on the X-File cases. And then mystery man ups the stakes by hiding evidence. In the pentagon. Really, you have to know what's next and why things are happening. Like I said, I didn't see the pilot the first time around, but I did catch it later and even knowing some of the down the lines stuff it's fascinating TV.

Deep Throat (1x01) - And we're right back to the meat of the story, which is really satisfying considering the amount of Monster-of-the-Week episodes to come. And I say that as someone who loves MotW episodes. Anyway, Deep Throat introduces, wait for it, Deep Throat, Mulder's "contact" who may or may not be telling him the truth at any given time. We meet him with Mulder, which is good because we can not trust him right along with Scully and really question why Mulder is so willing to follow his bread crumbs, then feel bad about it when they bear fruit. Mixed metaphors, bitch, get used to them!

What actually goes on? Mulder and Scully hang out in a bar–for the only time ever, I believe–and Mulder tells Scully about missing pilots at not Area 51, including one who just went missing a few months ago. When Mulder goes to the bathroom he's confronted by an old white guy who tells him to forget all about the air force base. And, like all forbidden fruit, Mulder redoubles his efforts and tells mystery knowledgeable man that he intends to find him some truth. Deep Throat then vanishes into the bar when Mulder stumbles into a conveniently placed patron outside of the bathroom. I BELIEVE HE WAS PART OF THE CONSPIRACY.

Later, at home, Mulder thinks his phone is bugged and very cleverly tells Scull-dog that SHE WAS RIGHT AND THIS CASE IS NOWHERESVILLE. Then in person says they're off to the base. Because the conspiracy is very stupid, or something. To Idaho they go, where they speak to another missing pilot's wife while the pilot is acting all weirdlike. Scully sciencesciencesciences a thing about stereotypy (I guess) and thinks the freaky pilots are probably failure from Project Aurora, which is real. Mulder dismisses this, because Mulder dismisses things that are so clearly straw grasps.

At a diner our intrepid duo notices the massive amount of UFOlogists about. Mulder buys an alien aircraft photo and Scully calls him a sucker in the first of her two really awesome moments in the show. This one's short, lots miss it, but it's hilarious. But then, because he's Mulder, he shows her up by also getting a hand drawn map to the cool hidden UFOy things in the neighborhood. Following this they stumble upon a spot where they see what looks like aircraft doing things aircraft simply can not do. And a stoned, very redheaded, Seth Green with some chickie who (for the price of a burger) spill their guts about everything they've ever seen. Also, Seth Green uses a hamburger like a toy. Robot Chicken is part of the conspiracy.

Then, weirdly, "Pilot Budahas" shows up at home. Only Mrs. Pilot Budahas says he is not who he is. And Mulder confirms this, to his mind, by asking him a question about airplanes he can't answer. And, by all rights, Mulder shouldn't be able to answer since later Scully has to tell him what a caduceus is. I mean, come on! When the agents are leaving they're pulled over by nondescript guys in nondescript dark suits in a nondescript Cadillac. Mulder knows the deal, but has no choice but to get out of the car for them while they remove every trace of evidence they have, then punch Mulder. Not cool, guys. That's not how you get recurring roles. Just sayin'.

M&S argue blah blah about secrets and the keeping thereof. Then, by himself, Mulder has stoned Seth Green show him how to get into the base. And asks for directions to not Hangar 18 where the cool stuff is supposed to be. And goes. And gets caught by a craft. Classic Mulder.

Scully starts to freak out about stuff like no phone lines and a missing partner because, in early episodes, whenever they were separate Scully usually spent her time freaking out or getting her pretty ass kicked. Or sometimes shooting stuff. One of the dudes Scully doesn't trust and I didn't bother to mention shows up and, after transpirings, she takes him hostage. Now comes her second cool moment as, while we see stuff happening to Mulder, Scully takes dudely and forces him to make them free him. Though she forgot to bargain for his memory and when he comes staggering out to the car he remembers nada about what he saw. Which sucks because, really, it's exactly what he was hoping to see when he got on the plane to Idaho. CLASSIC MULDER.

Back in D.C. Mulder and Deep Throat meet up on a track, which I'm sure is significant if you try hard enough, and DT tells Mulder that he and Scully could well be in danger. Then tells him he can slip him information. This is not suspicious.

A really great episode. Scully shows her balls for the first time, Mulder has the truth ripped from his hands (or head) for the first time, and the audience gets the first chance to be skeptical of someone's motives. Or at least me. I could be alone in not trusting Deep Throat from the beginning.

Squeeze (1x02) - Aah, our first bit of Monster-of-the-week. And it's a classic. First, definition time:

Monster-of-the-Week: Generally speaking, Monster-of-the-Week episodes are any which feature one (or two) episode-off antagonists for our heroes, while holding no or very tenuous connection to the overall Mytharc of the show.

Mytharc: The overall, all encompassing, storyline of the show. Think aliens, government coverups, and government alien ups.

Got that? Now some will tell you that one type of episode is better than the other, but in truth it's about even as to good episodes, bad episodes, and just good and bad TV. ON TO THE SHOW.

Squeeze is, or was, an instant classic in X-Files history. The first MotW, completely forgetting about aliens and concentrating on just some fd up stuff happening somewhere in America. ~~Bodymore, Murdaland~~ Wrong show. Baltimore, Maryland to be specific. What goes on there? Apparently, every 30 years, five people die. Losing their livers in the process. And Scully's old buddy No-one-cares-stop-being-an-ass-to-Mulder would like her help with the recent crop because they're weird. Oh, and if she has to bring Spooky along from the basement, that's her own lookout. Oddly enough, it's ol' Spooky who finds the 30 year cycle, which everyone dismisses.

Doing regular old FBI style work Scull-cap nets herself a suspect–Eugene Victor Tooms. A creepy dude crawling around the airshafts of a building at night. This also fits Mulder's odd theories because he wonders if maybe someone can fit through tiny tiny spaces. They question him and he passes his lie detector test, except for the weird questions Mulder threw in about being alive in 1933. Weird, huh? It only gets weirder when we learn that Mulder was right all along when he shows Scully a very advanced bit of fingerprinting that matches an elongated fingerprint with Tooms' perfectly. A further killing spree in 1903 makes Scully wonder if maybe the murders were done by Tooms' family. To be fair this is only episode 3, she doesn't know better yet.

The agents find an investigator of the 1933 string of murders, who it turns out agrees with Mulder because he also did some under the table investigating of EVT in 1963. He gives them a bit of liver and tells them about missing/stolen "personal items", then shows them an old picture of Tooms looking exactly the same as he does now. Mulder and Scully head to EVT's home where Mulder touches bile covered newspaper and is all "ewwwww!". Mulder gives Scully all the details about what he thinks. Eugene is a 30 year hibernation period having, liver eating, mutant who can stretch. So she agrees they should stake the place out. They're only two (SUPER) agents, though, so they get relieved by guys on Scully's old buddies squad. Who he immediately pulls off of that detail as a waste of time. Again, to be fair, we're never going to hear from this guy again and he never had a chance to learn the rules. Mulder, who is right, finds no one at Tooms' place when he stops by. Pissed he calls Scully, who is at home. Mostly so we know Scully is at home and have a reason to see her running a bath when Tooms breaks in to her place to eat her liver.

Our girl is saved by Tooms' overactive bile excretion when he drips on her giving her enough warning to Get her Gunn. Mulder tries to call her, but gets no answer, so like the over-protective semi-tool he is he rushes right to her place. Scully and Tooms are fighting inside when Mulder busts in and, in the confusion. she manages to cuff him to a pipe. Got cha, sucka!

In mop up we see EVT in his prison cell disgustingly making another newspaper nest and suspiciously eyeing the tiny slit his food is given to him through. IS THIS THE END OF EUGENE VICTOR TOOMS?

Well, no. But that's later. This was a damn good episode. Tooms was way fucking creepy, helped out quite a bit by things like the SFX department putting sound effects on his stretching. And the bile. God, that was nasty. Tooms was one of the first episodes I ever saw (in reruns) and I new the show would be amazing as long as it could stay half as creepy.

Conduit (1x03) - I have a weird relationship with Conduit. For some reason, no matter what, it just never holds my attention the whole hour. I don't know the why. I go in with good intentions and just kinda wander.

Have you heard the new DEVO album? It's pretty fucking goo--

Right. So, Conduit. A little boy watches his sister get vanished (just like Mulder). Mulder finds out about this (via tabloid headline) and wants to investigate. After some convincing, Mulder convinces Scully who convinces the bosses who were previously just not going for it. When they get to the kid's house he's watching a snowy TV and writing down 1s and 0s in seemingly random patterns. This is important. When the agents try to investigate they're stonewalled all over the place for some reason. Mulder, having faxed the kids binary page, is suddenly very interesting to the NSA who have intercepted the transmission because it contains snippets of defense satellite transmissions.* A whole bunch of the kids pages have been "decrypted" and it contains a whole bunch of stuff.

*The elephant in the room. None of this kids pages of 1s and 0s come close to having enough information on them to have the stuff they say they have. Oops

Aaaanyway, Mulder suspects that the kid was influenced by the aliens who stole his sister and that's why he can pick up binary from the tv. When he finds a dead body with a note in the wallet they somehow realize it was written by the same girl who had written a note earlier and when they talk to her she spills all kind of local secret beans. Something about pregnancy and lies about pregnancy and that she killed the dead body in the woods. Scully is ready to check out, Mulder isn't because it's just like what happened to him and his sister. And through sheer luck Scully happens to be upstairs in a building while downstairs they are laying out the binary pages into the exact grid they have to be laid out to make a big mosaic drawing. Weird coincidence, but that's ok because we're almost home.

M&S go to the campsite where the boy watched his sister vanish and, following a fresh trail, find a girl theyd met earlier all out of breath from being chased by a dude. Dude is found walking towards lights which, wait for it, are headlights from offroaders. Valedictorian he is. Then Scully screams because she's found the sister, unconscious. Sister is vague about where she's been, mom is coverupy for the sake of their reputations, brother is creepy at Mulder.

In mop up Scully listens to a tape of Mulder's regression hypnotherapy, which contains the infamous line "I want to believe." And credits.

It's just, I don't know. I don't care about this episode 10 minutes into this episode. I don't know if this is a worse crime than kinda caring about an episode only to be deflated by it in the last 5 minutes (Gender Bender) or what, but it is what it is. The awesome can't last long, three in a row is a good start. Unfortunately the lame to meh episodes continue for the next two. 3 on 3 off? We'll see!

XXX

2010-06-30T18:12:00.000-07:00

OHMYGODWHATISTHIS?!
I don't know how I got here.
I am not good with computar.

Oh yes, it's been more than a little while since I've done this thing here. There were reasons. Little ones, big ones, weird ones. None good. Well, that's not true, there were some that may have been good but not worth quacking on about.

I am are here and I am are taking on another project. Because it gives me AIM. Or something. Whatever. Thing.

This project, which shall start directly, much like the 100 movies mostly involves me passively watching television then talking about it to...nobodyish. Nobody and you. You who is the most important person in the world to me! I love you!

I was going to find a book of 'best books' and read through them then talk about them to nobodyish ('cept you, baby) but I couldn't find a good one. So I'm back to reading Terry Pratchett. Win/win, really. Instead, I shall watch the entire run of The X-Files on DVD and babble on about those. 'Why?', I hear you asking, and the truth is I did a thing that I shouldn't have done–or at least did a thing before I should have done it–and now am the proud owner of The Complete Series box set. Which is sexy, but expensive. But not as expensive as it SHOULD HAVE been. So I want to get some very specific use out of it before it collects dust next to my Complete The Wire on a shelf to be pulled down every 4-6 months and run through again. Yeah. That. Unlike, say, my Complete Monty Python which has discs randomly pulled from it randomly. I like TV. Leave me alone.

So, here's the plan, which I reserve the right to break and leave unfulfilled: I'll marathon the series (plus movies) and write up random thoughts on each episode. I'm going to avoid out-and-out reviews (The AV Club is doing a good job at that. Though I'll lap them in terms of episodes done in no time) but will make sure to mention when an episode is just really really good and when one is ungodly bad.

I was actually halfway through the first season when it dawned on me to do this and finished it before I decided to go ahead with it, so I'll have some fast and furious posts for that up, then things'll slow down.

You are likely to be eaten by a grue

2010-02-22T10:34:00.000-08:00

Long time no post. No real reason why, just haven't done it. I guess I was a little burnt out after the movie reviews.

It's not like things haven't been happening; moving steadily towards moving. Passport get, visa papers more or less readied if not actually sent–waiting for the second half from the bride-to-be‐and on pace to have enough funds to make the move, if not to live high on the hog when I get there & need to start sending out CVs or resumes or whatevers right away. So that's exciting.

Also exciting? It's Shamrock Shake time, baby! With a McDonalds right up the road it's very difficult not to suck one down on a daily basis. Mmmm mint.

Anyway, I more-or-less officially scaled back on the 52 nonfiction books this year thing, only to start requesting nf books from the library. I read I Am Ozzy, which was actually a decent read, but held no revelations if you've seen Behind the Music. Except for the fact that when he was supposedly clean on The Osbournes he was still sneaking off and drinking & smoking weed. But, you know, NOW he's clean.

Also read The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks, which was amazing. If you've ever had an interest in biology/cells/cell rights you have to read it. The Lacks family, uneducated and poor, got screwed so much that they just turned to paranoiac angry stone at times, and it's hard not to rally behind them. But at the same time, how many amazing things happened from those cells? And they were following then-current guidelines. It's all murky. It continues to be murky.

Right now I'm reading Sudhir Alladi Venkatesh's Gang Leader for a Day, about a(n Indian) sociologists experiences in the inner city of Chicago being with gangs. I only started it last night, but so far so good. And on the table I have big, thick bios of Orson Welles & William Randolph Hearst. The Welles one is actually part one of three, I think, all massive. Nonetheless, this'll be my Citizen Kane period.

I had some book, some eater's manifesto thing that I can't remember the title of (it boiled down to "Eat food. Mostly Plants. Not too much.") that I saw on the Daily Show, but reading it bored me too much to finish.

So, that's me. HOORAY.

"Singer"

2010-01-27T16:51:00.000-08:00

When I started this project, a cursory glance told me there were a number of items on it that I had no interest in watching. Either having seen them before, or having heard about them and knowing what they were about or whatever, I knew I did not wish to see them. Still, I tried. I tried every single movie for at least a while (with the caveat that the Lord of the Rings picture"s" are one movie that you were fooled into purchasing three tickets for to see the entire thing. Search your heart, you know this to be true.) Weirdly enough there are a bunch of them in this top 9+1.

15. 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) - I've never known what to think of this movie. There are two camps, it seems. People either think this is the single greatest piece of science-fiction (or SyFy) ever lensed, or they think it's ungodly boring. I fall solidly into the second camp. No stars because I only made it to about the halfway point.

8. Schindler's List (1993) - This movie...god this movie. I'd seen it twice before this viewing, vowing ater both I would never watch it again. It's painful and depressing and just too much. Five Stars and this time I'm never watching it again for real.

7. Lawrence of Arabia (1962) - Isn't this movie British? In, like, every way? I don't know why it's on this list, but I do know it's a damn good lullaby. Maybe I just hate "epics". I don't know. I do know this, too, I didn't finish. No stars

6. Gone with the Wind (1939) - And another one. What the hell? Even realizing the era it's set in I just can not take this movie. Every time a character darker than a sheer of notebook paper opens their mouth I either cringed (chicken chasing) or was filled with rage (everything Hattie McDaniel did). I'm not oversensitive, I don't think. I can forgive some things as being products of their era. Hell, I Love Lucy is one of my favourite TV shows and the only few black characters are the racist porter stereotype when they're in LA and I love those episodes. I can read Eisner's The Spirit even with Ebony White looking like a monkey and talking da jibe talk. But this movie just pissed me off. It should be noted I couldn't watch The Jazz Singer either.

5. Singin' in the Rain (1952) - I can not explain how much I love this movie–and how shocked by that even I was. I avoided this movie for years just because I thought the plot was ridiculous, and as a musical? Bah. I did not expect it to be fucking hilarious. Five Stars may not be enough considering the singing/dancing, humor, drama, and love story.

4. Raging Bull (1980) - And here's a little hypocrisy. Some of the first lines of dialogue in this movie are Joe Pesci yelling about moulinyans (as seems to be his wont) but god DAMN this is a fine movie. Brilliant, brilliant performance by Robert De Niro especially. Pesci & Cathy Moriarty ain't half bad, either. Scorsese's best film by a long shot. Five stars despite airy punches.

3. Casablanca (1942) - Oft called the most romantic movie ever. Hard to fight with. Not many, then or especially now, had or have the guts to end a movie in such a way. Even though you want it to go one way it HAS to go the other. Five Stars even with the myriad flaws

2. The Godfather (1972) - It's still not as good as II. II is amazing. But ya know what? The end (everything from the baptism to the credits) is about the best ending in the history of film. Five Stars, but that means II gets like...another 1/4 of a star.

1. Citizen Kane (1941) - Best. Greatest. Most amazing film ever. The first time I saw it I ended up watching it at least once a week for about two months. It still enraptures me when I watch. There's a scene in an episode of The Sopranos where Carmella & the girls watch it (doing what I just finished in reverse, as a matter of fact) and after are bored. This scene just bothered the hell out of me. I don't know how anyone can watch it and come to any such conclusion. Five Stars cos I can't give it ten. And, no, there's no "error" with the last words getting out; the majordomo is there.

And so, that's that. Lots of good, some bad, a few overrated, some I can't even watch. I'm very happy to have done this, though. Educational. I feel all cultured and shit. Classy fucker, right here. Got bunched and bunches of time on your hands and love movies? I recommend taking it–or similar–as your own challenge.

Unless you're these bitches here. Bitches.

Owwie, owwie, owwie

2010-01-24T18:40:00.000-08:00

As anyone who knows me is well aware, I suffer from what the doctors, in their infinite wisdom, call "chronic pain". This, of course, is using the continuing a long time or recurring frequently definition of chronic. I don't really like the term, because to other, hell even from doctor to doctor, it can mean different things. Different amounts of pain you're in for how much of the day. Allow me to explain for myself:

A lot. All the time.

This is not an exaggeration, though I wish it was. I wish I were being hyperbolic when I say things like "before I finally fell asleep last night I spent quite a while laying in the dark, staring at the ceiling, wishing it would go away. Tossing and turning to find the comfortable position, the one that didn't make it worse." I really wish I didn't have to ever admit that "it was so bad yesterday I was in/near tears, folded up as much as possible trying everything in the world to distract myself." I don't think the doctors believe me when, sitting in front of them for the 10 minute meeting that I drove an hour and a half then waited another half in the waiting room for, that "right now? It's about an 8. It has been getting to 10s though" and "No, there's nothing that triggers it". You know, nothing but the god damn congenital, incurable, bone disease I have. You know, the one that every doctor I've seen for any amount of time has (eventually) explained to be "the worst case they've ever seen."

I think they (and other people, frankly) don't believe me, because after nearly 30 years of this pain. This pain that almost never lets up. This pain that, at the best times in my life, I'm feeling. This pain that has caused me to miss out on much. I think they don't believe me because I have become quite the expert in masking it. You're talking about someone who, in their own house, will whimper and screw up their face the first 3-4 steps after standing up, then force them self to stop as soon as they're through the bedroom door lest family see. Family who know.

Nonetheless, believe how bad I tell them it is or not, they are willing to drug me up. At this moment I'm (supposed to be, had the moron kid-doc not messed up the script so that I now have to go back and get it anew) on 40mg of Kadian, a time release morphine three times a day. This is couples with 100mg of "stripped down codeine", Tramadol, which is supposed to be for "breakthrough pain" (read: the pain that bleeds through the morphine). I take it the full three times a day because there is always pain coming through the morphine. Additionally to that they recently went ahead and added another 15mg of straight Morphine. I don't like taking that, it can mess with my head. But when I do take it I have found that the 15mg does nothing much so I go ahead and take a full pill instead of the half, making it 30mg.

There are other drugs, anti-convulsant to stop the shooting pains, anti-inflammatorys, blah blah. Being on so many drugs means having to deal with the side effects of so many drugs. If I have to drive, I will limit myself to one kind, just in case, because if both of them hit me at once I will end up with heavy eyelids or this weird distraction thing that happens to me to cause me to just kinda zone out. That doesn't happen often because of the types of main drugs I've got. I take them at the same time and the time delay of the one seems to help. The Tramadol alone, though, has some bitches of side effects. For hours after I've taken it it's just impossible to urinate. I'm fairly certain it's the cause of the weird back pains that pop up when I'm not moving. When I've had to rely on it too much it makes me irritable, which is to say causes me to be short with people I love who have no idea why other than I'm a tool. These, however, are the side effects I prefer to have, as the stuff can also cause seizures and withdrawal symptoms while still on it and all kinds of nastiness. I am now however wondering if it's the cause of my problems swallowing I sometimes have.

See, this was originally going to be a post describing the pain, but I found that incredibly hard to do. I mean, I got it, but it was a bad read. The best piece of writing in it was as follows:

Imagine you're sitting, arm around the person you love. You're watching a movie, and everything is good. Except that, still, you're hurting. From your knee to your ankle there's a throbbing. In fact, your knee kinda feels like someone Nancy Kerrigan'd it. As a result, you spend the majority of your time crossing and uncrossing your legs, lifting them this way and that, mostly habitually, hoping on the outside chance you can make it stop. Around the time you notice the muscle in your thigh on one leg is doing that almost throbbing/letting you know it's there thing you're asked "Are you OK?" Without even thinking you respond that you are and then up the pain masking you think you've been doing. This is more-or-less a typical scenario, only the love of my life isn't always there. Though, ya know, soon!

Suffice it to say, it sucks. But such is life. And I'm used to it at this point. The only thing that really sucks about it still is the people not exactly believing. That I can do without.

This isn't about nuts!

2010-01-18T16:29:00.001-08:00

My life is weird. There are times when I don't sleep for 2-3-4 days in a row, then an unrelated string where I can't stay awake for more than a few hours at a time. Today (and yesterday, and late Saturday) has been the latter for me. It's very annoying, the days when I end up sleeping in a seated position at the head of my bed while whatever random thing I'm watching continues to play an I wake up pretending it never happened.

In the only other bit of news, I put aside the Hitchens book in favor of burning through Persepolis because non fiction comics are still non fiction. Suck on THAT. Anyway, Persepolis is an odd read, kinda jumbley in places, but nonetheless an enlightening read. Totally recommended. Back to Hitchens as early as tomorrow. Not sure what comes after. Depends on the library, really.

So, I says to Mable, I says.

2010-01-18T05:28:00.001-08:00

Some serious Netflix dickery caused #15 2001 to only arrive this weekend. I had to skip it and skip it and such. There'll be more on it specifically next post.

13. Star Wars* (1977) - Whiny main character, bad effects, plot holes (but that's the series, which the fans hate.) *sigh* what's not to love. I can't wait to sit the fiancee in front of it to watch it for real so she can see the Five Star entertainment.

12. The Searchers (1956) - I don't know what I feel about this movie. It's a western, so I was expecting to get bored and be done with it before it finished, but it actually held my attention the whole way through. On the other hand, a big part of the reason for that was that it was so incredibly racist and I wanted to see where it went next. Not to mention, according to every article in the world about kids kidnapped by Indians, inaccurate about how she would respond to an attempted rescue. The whole movie is like one long excuse to hate Natives and justify it. I can't rate it.

11. City Lights (1931) - I'm not sure what to think of this either. Right after t started I nearly switched it off because a bunch of characters were "talking" like adults in Peanuts cartoons. (silent movie with music, instruments were used to approximate voice sounds with no words) I powered through, though, and that cut out and an actual movie happened. Funny, funny gags, but I really don't get how it's #1 in Romantic-Comedies. There's very little of the romance and it's spread thin. In fact, the romance could easily be replaced with The Tramp's affection with another kid he sees between getting trashed with the millionaire. Three Stars on principle, I guess, but there's so many other Chaplin flicks I'd rather watch,

10. The Wizard of Oz (1939) - The sister's favourite movie. Loves it, she does. So I've seen it 10 bazillion times and purchased her approximately 90 copies for various gift giving occasions. I have to say, I truly enjoy it, though. The transition from sepia to colour hooked me as a kid, and having read the book (some of the books) now I have to say they captured most of the spirit of the thing, if not the entire plot. (Also good, the recent Marvel comic series). Five Stars, and not even only for sentimental reasons.

9. Vertigo (1958) - Wow. One of my favourite Hitch-flicks knocks me on my ass every time. When Scottie reveals that he figured everything out after seeing the necklace is such an awesome Explanation-Scene that they should have been renamed in Vertigo's honor. Five Stars is not enough for this movie.

*This is how it's titles on the list. As we all know its truly Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope

You can have whatever you like.

2010-01-17T05:22:00.000-08:00

Longish time no (actual) blog (movie posts aside). I've been meaning to do so just to bitch about work and talk about how excited I am about the move & such, but I'm rather lazy. That and, on Monday, I stopped at the Discount Books shop and purchased an actual little black journal for $2 (two of them, actually, one black & one tan) and have been spilling myself into that. Doing so whenever the urge strikes me and I have the time. It's all utterly unreadable–even by me–but I think it's the scribbling itself that is therapeutic.

To talk here, the fiancée and I have come close to picking a home. There are two or three on the top of the list right now and she intends to call about them on [her] Monday [my Sunday night]. This news should probably be on the wedding site, but like the two lazy people we are we've let those slip and my Awesome Aussie has not even skinned or themed or whatevered. Nonetheless it's all happening and I couldn't be happier or more excited. Nerves are actually minimal and seem focused less on being/living in a whole new land (not to mention other things being done for the first time) as they are on the actual travel and getting the Visa and other bits of bureaucracy.

What else, what else? I hate my job this year. Makes the other ones look like a cake-walk. I've been bitched at constantly for things like saying "might be" instead of "may be" and have a pending "training call" because apparently I unprofessionally talked over someone on a call a week ago or something. I have no idea and frankly don't care. If it weren't so important right this second I would have quit already on principle. I am sick to death of these people. Especially since all day long I have callers telling me how pleasant and personable and helpful I am. It's a fat load of bullshit.

And now I'm upset and it's time to watch a movie I have no interest in. Damn, damn, damn!

No-one ever leaves a star. That's what makes one a star.

2010-01-13T14:17:00.000-08:00

19. On the Waterfront (1954) - I don't know what to give this movie. The performances are solid (Brando, man) but only about half of the movie's plot isn't ho him. It could easily have been my state of mind at the time, I wasn't really feeling my best, but the movie I say was Three Stars tops.

18. The General (1926) - I have never not laughed at Buster Keaton, but before I started this I realized for the first time I have also never not seen an entire movie of his. Mostly shorts and clips & such, and not 10 minutes in I began to wonder if perhaps it would grow old quick. It did not. Between hilarious gags and a somewhat decent story, I actually enjoyed this immensely. Five Stars easy, but one question does pop up for me; when was the last time you saw a civil war era movie where the south were the heroes?

17. The Graduate (1967) - I have a really f'd up history with this movie. Every time I've attempted to watch it in the past, something has interrupted or otherwise stopped me. And one time, for some reason, I started watching it with a music free audio track and didn't notice. Even this time, the first time I watched it I fell asleep. It's weird. BUT! I powered through this time and found, holy carp, it's an enjoyable movie. What is funny is how it could never be remade today. Most of the "shocking" plot points are ho-hum these days. Affairs? Old/young? A child out of wedlock?! Aaaaaanyway, Three Stars for the movie, but I still don't understand the Mrs. Robinson song. No idea.

16. Sunset Blvd (1950) - There is nothing about this movie I do not like. Seriously. I'm upset that there was a stage-musical that I never got to see. This is the first movie I'd ever seen that messes with time (starting with your lead male dead? nice) an it blew my mind that someone had even thought of that. Five Stars for one of my favourite movies of all time.

14. Psycho (1960) - Do I have to tell you about this movie? Sure, it too suffers from a bit of aging (the opening is much less scandalous now, Mother is less scary, the detective's tumble down the stairs is a bit goofy looking now), but it's not really about those things, is it? It's about crazy Norman and the hunt for Marion. And it's played out brilliantly. Five Stars and if you disagree I hate you. To be frank, I'm shocked there's so little Hitchcock on this list.

clear sailing

2010-01-10T15:54:00.001-08:00

I just (literally) finished book 1 of 52 non-fictions in 2010. When I decided to do it I threw a handful (5-6) on the library's request list and the first two to come were The Pluto Files by Neil deGrasse Tyson and God is not Great by Christopher Hitchens (also Marvel's Marvels, which I'd never read, was excellent, and must buy this 10th anniversary edition down the line). I'm trying to consciously not make the book a bunch of atheism literature, hoping to mix in some (auto)biographies, some history, some science, whathave you. With that in mind I went to Pluto Files first and could not be happier I did.

I, like everyone else who knows who he is and has an IQ over room temperature, have a massive man-crush on Tyson, but have only ever seen him on TV–and even then haven't caught a ton of the show he hosted–and YouTube & such. I remember seeing him discuss this book on The Daily Show and wanting to read it, but it must have slipped my mind. The book is way entertaining, like Mr. Tyson himself tends to be, and is written "popularly" so that the less smart of us can understand, which makes sense because the type of people discussed in the book (he namechecks Bill Nye a few times. Win.) don't need to be taught the stuff. I learned quite a bit. Especially about the discovery of Pluto, how much went in to the "Dwarf planet" decision and people's reactions and shizz. I was genuinely entertained by the whole thing. The stand out bit of funny in it, though, comes at the end of a chapter as he was wrapping up discussion on astrologers and their reactions. The chapter ends with one simple sentence: "Please tell your children to stay in school."

I'm not going to grade the books or anything, just catalogue them as read and note whether or not I enjoyed them, learned anything,

We support unreasonably high subsidies to the brain slug planet.

2010-01-07T12:38:00.000-08:00

23. The Grapes of Wrath (1940) - Let's begin with another confession. I, somehow, have never read The Grapes of Wrath (nor seen the movie before now). It was always a "why bother, you'll read it in a classroom eventually" type of book, but then my life happened and I somehow missed it (twice) as an assignment. Now, I'm not a complete clod, I know who Tom Joad is and I know the struggles of the Joad family and I can recognize a parody of the whole thing, I've just never gotten to it. ALL THAT SAD; now that I've watched it, I do want to read the book. The ending is supposed to be much more depressing, and you know I'm into that. The movie? Four Stars. Kinda slowish at times.

22. Some Like It Hot (1959) - Watched this the first time only because Marilyn Monroe was in it and I was going through a Marilyn phase of sorts. I'd heard it was funny, but didn't expect it to stop my breathing. The last line in this movie is possibly the funniest thing ever put on to film.

21. Chinatown (1974) - Neo or not, this is the first piece of noir I'd ever watched. It's simply brilliant, if hard to follow for those who don't actually pay attention. When you do, though, the Five Stars state is apparent

20. It's A Wonderful Life (1946) - Five Stars. Simply the best "holiday" movie I've ever seen (it feels weird to watch it between January and November, doesn't it?). For a movie that's like 90% depressing, it's a damn fine pick-up by the end.

boogie in your butt

2010-01-06T20:22:00.000-08:00

And so it begins. The first two books of the 52 nonfiction challenge have arrived from the library. They are, though I can't say for sure what order I will read them in, The Pluto Files by Neil deGrasse Tyson–or as I prefer to call him, King Awesome–and God is Not Great by Christopher Hitchens. Both books I've been meaning to read, and this is as good an excuse as any.

I also got the 10^th anniversary hardcover version of Marvel's Marvels, which I have also been meaning to read. It's rough being me. Pity, please?

In "I want my baby back" news, I've sold a handful of books & DVDs, and advertised everywhere I can think to (feel free to spread the link person who is not actually reading this). I've only gotten a grand total of like $150 bucks for the stuff, but it makes me feel pretty good that they're going to places where they will be appreciated.

I'm kinda just killing time doing this. Type type type, is it bedtime yet? I spend the last few hours sitting the neph, watched about half of Yellow Submarine before it suddenly became bedtime. He was alternately enraptured and confused by it, and with his 4-year-old attention span kept wanting to do other things during (I actually have this problem, I can't just do one thing most of the time) like play weird Dinosaur-Bingo-with-Dice game. Fun times.

Aaaaaaand Colbert time. That's the end of that chapter.

Hippies and terrorists are the same thing

2009-12-31T21:31:00.001-08:00

30. Apocalypse Now (1979) - One of those movies that, through parody, tribute, and clips, it feels like I've seen, but never sat down to watch all the way through. Now that I have I'm torn. It was a damn good movie, one that you should definitely see in your life if you're a movie fan, but I can't see watching repeatedly. I'll go Four Stars instead of five for that.

28. All About Eve (1950) - I Fell asleep the first time I watched this–a combination of a long morning & drugs–and was so upset for missing chunks I simply had to watch it again. Old Hollywood (from when they could still make movies about themselves without being accused of egocentrism) with old Hollywood dialogue and pacing.

Ths movie makes me want to watch more Bette Davis movies and hope they're all Five Star like this'n.

27. High Noon (1952) - Well, that confirms that, westerns and I do not mix. I have never been more bored than trying to watch this. Yes, I'm aware it's an allegory for the HUAC & McCarthyism and stuff. Yes, I read Wikipedia, but I still don't care.

26. Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939) - I first saw this not that long ago when I realized I had not seen it. It's hailed as a classic, and with good reason. I went in expecting hokey, and got it. But I also went in expecting some pretty nice drama and got that. There's no choice but to give it Five Stars, if only for the awesome filibuster scene.

25. To Kill a Mockingbird (1962) - I love this movie, despite its flaws. Mostly I think I love the book, which watching the movie always makes me want to watch. The book just has so much more in it. The movie, though, does a good job of excising the stuff in a way that it's not missed by anyone who didn't read first. Five Stars.

24. E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial (1982) - The first movie I ever saw. And of course I will only watch the original guns not walkie talkies version. For years and years and years I still cried when E.T. died. I actually find it annoying to think of the movie as a Christ allegory, but facts is facts. This movie will be Five Stars in my book until the day I die all old and dessicated.

New Yearsery

2009-12-31T18:00:00.001-08:00

Disclaimer: New Years Eve is not, nor has it ever been, important to me. When you have a tendency to see midnight roll in at a regular basis it's not all that special. And I'm not a drinker, so I won't be draining a bottle of champagne to celebrate my calendar becoming obsolete. Plus, the decade starts next year anyway, so screw that noise.

As I begin this it's something like four hours until my (central) time zone hits 12 and it's officially 2010. Sadly we haven't been anywhere, let alone are we gearing up to go back.

It seems to be the done-thing to either reflect on where you were 10 years ago or make a list of resolutions or both. Unfortunately I have no interest in either of those, since I'd rather not think about where I was 10 years ago and don't really believe in resolutions. Another done-thing appears to be to speculate on where you're going and where you intend to be in the next 10 years. Also mostly meh on my part. My immediate plans are well known, and trying to look a full 10 years into the future just gives me a headache. But for reasons not even known to me I do feel like marking this occasion, so I think I'm going to decide on some projects worth doing in the next year. This is all spur of the moment, so we'll see how many I decide are stupid in the morning.

52 weeks in a year, so I intend to read 52 non-fiction books. Fiction can be too easy, but I don't intend to cut fiction out of my diet.

I'm nearly done with my 100 movies, which I started in September and will probably wrap at the end of January. That's five-ish months. 52 movies would be too easy, 365 too many, so decided to halve it and attempt to watch & short review 183 movies. That's a rounded up half. A movie every two days is easy. I don't really have a theme this time, and I'm certainly not doing all theater-new movies, so I have to come up with something.

12 months. I believe I shall rip off Beatle's Week from everyone's favourite Muppet. Instead of the Beatles, whom I love, though I'm going to pick a different artist to vary it up some. I'm leaning towards making it Smashing Pumpkin's Year but there are strong arguments for They Might Be Giant's Year, (early) Metallica Year, Tom Waits Year, or even, because it will drive–the fiancée completely in-sane–Marilyn Manson Year. I've got a bit of January to flip coins, though, so no worries about making that decision before the clock hits 23:59 tonight.

I would like to do something 365 times, but I have no clue what it is. Just because it's 365 doesn't mean it has to be done daily does it? If I can come up with something by mid-January I'll be on it.

I can't really think of any more numbers that go into a year, so I'll leave it with those.

I give myself 4 months before I've shed all but one of these anyway. Confident!

Next year in the homelands!

2009-12-19T14:01:00.000-08:00

Another problem has arisen. Movie 30, Apocalypse Now is currently on Very Long Wait from Netflix so I had to skip it straight to 29. I'll come back and fill it when it arrives.

34. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937) - This, I think, is one of those movies everyone has seen so nobody watches. It's been forever and a week since I've watched it last and I swear, though I remembered the important parts, I forgot just massive chunks, which made it a fun watch. Not exactly like the first time, but fun nonetheless. I watched this'n with the 4-year-old who loved it. It's paced funny, I never noticed before. That there are title cards before the end instead of showing the glass coffin being made is distressing and they could have shown the wedding. I dunno, it's weird. I've gotta give it Five Stars on principle, but if it were released today the pacing problems would likely lower it a star or two.

33. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975) - I love this movie. Always have since the first time I saw it. It may be the first time I saw a movie then read the book (vastly superior!) instead of the other way around, come to think of it. My favourite Nicholson performance after Chinatown–a near perfect neo-noir flick that it isn't fair to compare to. Five Stars is getting off light for this. I'm shocked Hollywood didn't come up with some prequel to capitalize on the RP McMurphy character.

32. The Godfather: Part II (1974) - I've never seen the original Godfather placed higher on a movie list and agreed with it. I just can't. Part II has DeNiro! I guess some people have trouble with the dual storylines, the ride of Vito inter-cut with the life of Michael and his attempts to legitimize his business, but then again I guess some people are morons. Five Stars. You'll notice there's no Part III listed so I'll take the time now to say people are unnecessarily harsh on III, which is bad when compared to I and II but is pretty good when compared to, say, Night at the Museum and a work of genius next to Baby Geniuses.

31. The Maltese Falcon (1941) - This is one of those films I feel confident saying I've seen, but have never actually seen all the way through at a shot. Even in bits and pieces it's a Five Star gem. Bogey & Lorre in a noir flick? Complete with dames and McGuffin? There's nothing better ever.

29. Double Indemnity (1944) - A Billy Wilder production of a James Cain story? Instant Five Stars. I can only wonder how it would have turned out without the freakin' Hayes Code being the morality cops of America.

A months worth of comics is intimidating

2009-12-18T10:05:00.000-08:00

Here's cleanup of the last set and the next five. I think ~~we're~~I'm back on track. This 7 had some really great movies, but I'm more excited about the next five flicks. Four movies I love and one I've always meant to see and never got around to it.

41. King Kong (1933) - I wanted to watch this with the four year old, but couldn't make it happen. I still remember being in awe the first time I watched this, giant apes and dinosaurs fighting each other, Fay Wray being gorgeous, and the islanders dancing and chanting. Just the kind of movie that was amazing at a young age. It's less awe inspiring now–and it's probably a good thing I didn't watch it with the kid because it starts a bit slower than I remember–but is still infinetly watchable. I think I'll try sitting the kid down with it but skipping to a later chapter and ingoring all the boat stuff. Five Stars

40. The Sound of Music (1965) - I do so love a good musical, and this is among the best. Probably not one of my top five, but quite possibly top ten. It's certainly got some seriously singable songs. Five Stars with ease, even if it's not one of my all time favs.

39. Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964) - I've never found this to be the 10 Star hilarious movie everyone else does, but it is funny. Four Stars funny. It'd be three if Peter Sellers wasn't King Amazing.

38. The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1948) - Not at all the movie I was expecting and I'm now sad I waited so long to watch it. Five stars just for Bogie going completley insane. A hell of a movie with a hell of a story. This was one of those situations when I realize I've seen the parody more than the movie. Not the Steenkin' Badges thing, though we've all seen that a billion times, but this movie is paralleled in the excellent second season Simpsons episode Three Men and a Comic Book.

37. The Best Years of Our Lives (1946) - This flick was a wow moment. Never heard of it, turned it on, and got blown away. There's a little suspension of disbelief with all the guys living so close together and such, but letting that slide, the depiction of these vets returing from WWII (one without his hands) and adjusting–especially with the changing sentiment from some people, is heartwrenching. Five stars because as soon as I put it in the mail I wanted to watch it again.

36. The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957) - If someone asked me, just after finishing it, what this movie was about (not a plot recap), I would struggle for 10 minutes then shrug and offer up "Allied POWs in a terrible camp. A bridge is built." I'm very conflused and conflicted about this'n. Alec Guinness, for one, was his usual awesome self, but I don't think I'd really watch it again. I can go a high as four stars without feeling too bad, because the march in and the very end are worth the rental themselves.

35. Annie Hall (1977) - Now this one I do find to be 10 stars of hilarity. Not laugh out loud hilarious–for the most part–but hilarious nonetheless. Everything except for "Joey Five Cents" because the first time everyone sees it they think they're HILARIOUS. Five stars easy.

Wild Cherry Pepsi

2009-12-13T15:34:00.000-08:00

I haven't actually blogged in a while, so I figure I better do that or change the name of this thing to afi100watching.blogger. Since I'm too lazy for the latter, the former it is.

Some stuff has actually happened, which even I am shocked about. I re-started my yearly seasonal job of answering calls at 1800taxform, which is good in that I need monies, but still as frustrating as ever in the actual doing. Not just the people who haven't a clue what they're calling for, but all the ridiculous things we're required to do and say on each call that the callers couldn't give a damn less about, if they even understand them. Anyone who has worked CS work knows how annoying the general public is, add to that people trying to figure out tax shit and it's like being in hell with an uncomfortable headset on.

This does not take in to account my voice, which is apparently so feminine that even my masculine first name isn't even a tip off to my sex. That, by the way, is the most annoying part of the whole thing, being on the phone for 6 hours, destroying my throat, and being called ma'am 80-90% of the time.

Still, money is nice, especially right before ~~Christmas~~^{Stuff Day*} so I can get the nephew a few cool things. Right now he's got a lite bright and Transformers papers, some board games (Super Heroes Chutes and Ladders, anyone?) and some Beatles Yellow Submarine stuff because he loves that song and the movie is animated. Assuming the car, which is not mine, is in working order come Thursday I'm going to hit Wal*Mart and pick him up thie $10 (nu)Optimus Prime they're advertising and look for a pair of Hulk Hands. I bought the women in my ~~life~~^house bamboo knitting needles and crochet hooks. Probably stop at Hobby Lobby and look for cases or yarn or...something to put with it. This is despite them repeatedly chanting 'don't buy me anything'. Unfortunately the real woman in my life I have not been able to buy anything yet, and probably won't until post-Stuff Day, though I do know exactly what she's getting. Lucky me she's understanding on top of beautiful and amazing. She's already sent me gifts, and instructed me not to open until them until the day, which I can admit makes me feel a little worse about not being able to post hers to her. If I weren't trying to save money (more on that later) I'd just charge them and be done with it. Stupid responsibility. I never wanted to be a grown up, damn it!

Ah well, more later. More movies soon. I think I'm going to try to watch King Kong with the kid, something tells me he'll love it.

*I saw someone call Christmas minus the belief in Christ that somewhere and have decided I like it. Merry Stuff Day and a Happy New Year!

Illegal formation

2009-12-05T09:57:00.000-08:00

I had a delay in getting some of these because I screwed up my Netflix list and they sent some movies out of order (I had 42 before I had 49). I could have written and saved their reviews, but didn't wanna. I'm trying to watch them in order as much as possible. I also was bust marathoning The X-Files because...I have the discs mostly. So that was fun. Anyway, here's 49-42, not and I should be able to get back on track by sticking 41 & 40 onto 39-35.

49. Intolerance: Love's Struggle Throughout the Ages (1916) - Another silent movie that I just couldn't hack. I made it 20 minutes. This was a silent, silent movie: as in bad organ music and copious captions. If a story has been introduced in the first 20 minutes maybe I could have watched it, but instead of a story the movie starts jumping back in time to watch a pharisee pray and then something about a queen and...what? Yawn yawn yawn. Zero. Also, does anyone find it just hilarious that D.W. Griffith, he of Birth of a Nation fame made a movie called Intolerance? I was half expecting it to be a how-to guide.

48. Rear Window (1954) - My single favourite Hitch flick, and easily one of my top 5 movies of all time. The decision to film 98% of the movie either in or from L.B. Jeffries (Jimmy Stewart) apartment is the clincher. It's claustrophobic and gets the feeling of voyeurism (and then, once [reading from top to bottom] Lisa Carol Fremont finds herself in trouble the viewer feels as helpless and anxious as Jeff. Five stars.

47. A Streetcar Named Desire (1951) - Another movie I never actually sat down and watched and am now happy I have. Five star performances all around, and of course Tennessee Williams as a jumping off point.

46. It Happened One Night (1934) - One of the first "classic" movies I ever watched when I decided there had to be more than the summer blockbusters & such and started to explore out in the history of film. Which is a good thing, because the amazingness of this movie (which none of the stars wanted to make because they thought it would fail) encouraged me to explore more. Made in 1934 and still one of the funniest & most romantic movies ever.

45. Shane (1953) - I'm finding out about myself that I guess I just don't dig on non-spaghetti westerns. Shane, however, was a decent little flick. It shows some age by having people just fall into their place and not develop characters so much as would be required now (especially the kid, the kid falls head over heels in man-crush in about 20 seconds), but the story is engaging enough. Three stars because I actually found myself upset when my scratched Netflix disc froze and I had to skip to the next "chapter".

44. The Philadelphia Story (1940) - Ever watch a movie, love it, but not catch the name so you could never watch it again? This is a case of that. I once saw a movie on TCM starring Katherine Hepburn, Clark Gable, and Jimmy Stewart, watched it and laughed my ass off, but missed the title. This movie is hilarious. Fast and witty, if you don't mind that it's also dated. Four stars.

43. Midnight Cowboy (1969) - Not the firs time I've seen Midnight Cowboy, but the first time both in a long time and that I've seen it all the way through. It's classed drama, but so much of it is funny that comedy should be printed on the box too. The kind of movie I forget about, despite it being four star watching.

42. Bonnie and Clyde (1967) - A stripped down & simplified, oft goofy, yet just as often gory, retelling of the story of Bonnie & Clyde. This was purposely a schizophrenic flick. Kinda weird. It switches from goofy hilarity to gory and serious (best example: when Clyde kills his first person). I don't entirely love the characterizations, but they mostly worked. Three stars. It kinda reminded me of Natural Born Killers (made in the 60s), actually.

No one leaves the game.

2009-11-26T20:31:00.001-08:00

Today was Thanksgiving in the US, one of my favourite days of the year if only because it not only allows but encourages overindulgence in things like Turkey and pie, football and family time. This year I mostly neglected the football, choosing to focus on the family fun and getting my ass kicked in Boom Blox by my mother. While the sister was cooking a feast and the nephew was...being four, really.

It dawned on me a couple of days ago that this Thanksgiving will be my last Thanksgiving. For a while at least. This time next year I plan to be in a different country in a whole other hemisphere with my girl. Hell, by then we may even be married. A thought which still makes me laugh at times, because this time last year if you'd have asked me I would have told you for sure I will never marry and especially never switch countries! Funny how that went. At least I get some turkey sandwiches, stuffing and cranberry sauce for the rest of the week.

So, that was today. Turkey and pie and Boom Blox (rematch Saturday!). OH! And I found out my uncle got his wife pregnant. She's due in August or thereabouts. Kinda sad I won't be here for that, but not overly so. The rest of the week was taken up with work "training". A nearly unbearable waste of four hours a day. I've done this from-home job the last to years (not sure if I'm allowed to go into specifics about it in public) so it's all a lot of review. Unfortunately everyone else in the class are yacky joke makers that extend everything way longer than it need go. I can't think of anything more annoying than people repeating the same damnable jokes every day to get the same fake laugh out of the same people. Training goes two more days, meaning I start actual work (which means the dogs can't hang out on my bed all day as they do now and I can't play Plants Vs Zombies instead of pay attention to what's being said) Wednesday. My schedule for next week is crap. Eight hours in the three days, with five of them coming on Friday. Hopefully I'll get more of those heavy days in the coming weeks. Toss all the money under the mattress and pull it out for plane tickets and Visa fees.

And, just to have dumped everything here: I screwed up my Netflix list so no 100 Movie project flicks are available right away. I am, however, marathoning The X-Files. About 3/4 through season three right now. And I got George Carlin's posthumous biography Last Words. The first few chapters of that are painful and sad. He had a most fucked childhood. About halfway through that.

I really need to stop doing things 'tomorrow, for sure'

2009-11-22T17:10:00.001-08:00

54. M*A*S*H (1970) - Last time I made the confession that I'd not seen Jaws all the way through. Here's another, which I think most people know, actually; I hate MASH. Hate the film, hate the TV series, won't touch the book. I know people think it's great and blah blah whatever, it just causes me to glaze over. Two stars at best.

53. The Deer Hunter (1978) - Now here's a movie I love, even if it's about 90 hours long. It would never be released now, not at this length. The studio would probably force them to cut half of both first acts. Four stars, losing one simply on length.

52. Taxi Driver (1976) - Another classic. For the longest time I was in the crowd that thought the end of the movie was a delusion. I wish I hadn't heard that it definitely wasn't, it made the movie so much better. Still it's a five star watch it often type of flick.

51. West Side Story (1961) - One of my favourite musicals. I've always wanted to see the play live as it was written, but kinda fear it will ruin the movie for me. Right now I can watch West Side Story just about any time. It's been my 'watch-it-until-I-fall-asleep' movie more times than I can count. Five stars (I'm not gay)

50. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Rings (2001) - No. 0

JAWS 19!

2009-11-17T17:06:00.000-08:00

59. Nashville (1975) - What the fuck was that? I didn't even finish this it was so bad. I wouldn't watch this if you paid me. No stars

58. The Gold Rush (1925) - The one I got from Netflix was the "rerelease", which proves that directors were mucking with their movies and adding new tech to them long before George Lucas. In this case taking a silent movie and adding sound. I can't tell you how weird it is to, the whole thing watches like a story being told with Chaplin reciting everyone's dialogue ("'Come on, come on.', he said"). Nonetheless, Chaplin=funny. I'll call it Four Stars just because I'm betting it's funnier without narration. Turns out the funniest scene is on YouTube.

57. Rocky (1976) - I love the Rocky series as a whole. They've never done me wrong. Sure, they essentially rehash the same story a couple times, but do so well. I came close to buying the box set when it was released after Rocky Balboa, but I found out they include some totally not real "Rocky V" thing. WTF is that?

56. Jaws (1975) - I have a confession to make. In all my 27 years I have never seen Jaws. Not all the way through anyway. I've seen enough parodies and homages–from The Simpsons to Chasing Amy–that I had the gist of the thing so I figured; why bother? And ya know what? Turns out I was right. A good movie, to be sure, but nothing amazing. And the shark looks fake. Three stars for being exactly what I expected it to be.

55. North by Northwest (1959) - Ya know, NxNW is not my favourite Hitchcock movie. Despite it always placing in the top of nearly every critic who know much more that me about these things list of Hitch movies. And Cary Grant being in it. I just never loved it as much as Rope, Vertigo, or Rear Window. Three stars because he's done better.

Who put the Browns on Monday Night?

2009-11-16T18:28:00.000-08:00

For the past two weeks, because it's taken me two weeks to read a single book for some reason, I've been reading The Simpsons: An Uncensored, Unauthorized History by one John Ortved. What follows are thoughts that shall not be considered a review because I said so.

The best way to describe this book is "How the sausage is made." From Groening's being brought to the attention of James L. Brooks for his Life is Hell work, and creating The Simpson family so as not to lost his rights to those characters up to 2008 or so anything that happened is fair game and discussed, warts and all. In fact, especially warts. Warts and bone and gristle and that worker's hand that got chopped off and went on a spree strangling people in the factory? Toss that in and put it on the packaging.

The first thing I noticed about the book is that it was fearless. The author calls people out by name and does not hide his true feelings for even a second. It took me a while to realize he could be fearless because, well, who the hell is this guy? There are no contemporary interviews with any of the major principles (Groening, Brooks, Sam Simon) or most of the cast (Yeardly Smith, Julie Kavner) to begin with, he's not going to hurt anyone's feelings and no bridges will be burned. This can be considered both good and bad, I guess.

A lot of the book starts feeling like "the truth everyone else is scared to tell you" as he speaks about how truly little Groening had to do with the show and it's humor as it came to be for the series. As it goes on, however, more and more editorial comments slip in and what's supposed to be a recounting of the facts becomes an essay about what Ortved thinks (1. The Futurama movies all sucked 2. The Simpsons Movie sucks 3. Family Guy is funny).

That's not to say the book is bad, though. I quite enjoyed the vast majority of it. I loved the "expose" stuff in the chapter on Sam Simon–he and Groening wouldn't speak for years–and the aandonment of Klasky Csupo for Film Roman for ridiculous reasons–over essentially one person. Loved, loved everything about the writers room; from it's evolution to guys on couches making each other laugh to the near worshipful way people viewed George Meyer to the long mostly pointless aside of the rise of king Conan O'Brien. I thought, and think, John Swartzwelder deserved a bigger section of pages but his being a "recluse" kinda makes it hard, plus he became THE MAN during what Ortved considers the series downturn.

Totally a readable book if you snag it from the library, but I wouldn't pay for it. Personally I think the best part of the book, though, isn't really Simpsons related but a product of the way the book is cobbled together from interviews. In the "Who's The Boss?" chapter there's a retelling of an argument between writer Bob Kushell and showrunner David Mirkin. It's told from two points of view, in Kushell's he can't remember exactly what he said but swears it was brilliant put Mirkin in his place and afterward all of the writers came to him and voiced their support. In fellow writer Brent Forrester's version he just kinda demanded an apology then tucked tail and left when he didn't get it and finally slunk his way back into the room later and got back to work. Hi. Larry. Us.

2009-11-09T18:48:00.000-08:00

I hate going to the doctor. I hate it, hate it, hate it.

To begin with, my doctor–whom I have to go to on a monthly, bi-monthly, or sometimes tri-monthly basis (when things line up well and he's being "notadick")–works from an office 33 miles away which takes me something from an hour and half to two hours to drive to (and about an hour to a hour and a half home). Because I do not own a car (which I now wish I did simply so I could sell it!) I must wake around 5am to leave by 6 to drop mi madre off at her train for work.

The drive suuuuuuuucks. Boy, does it suck. Just as a sampling: a large section of massive potholeage, traffic like a motherfucker, and once I enter "THE CITY!" people all drive like assholes. All. Assholes. No exceptions. And, no matter how many times I make the drive I can never remember where my damn turn is, GPS or not (and this is why I drive like an asshole).

After my almost two hour drive where I almost die at least once I drive into the god damned parking garage which has been under construction for about a year now and shockingly can't find a space that doesn't require me to cripple my way the entire length of the place to the door. The long walk, and I'm not kidding when I say uphill both ways, sucks as well.

People in waiting rooms suck. Phone's going off, loud conversations, out of control kids, eating, not listening for their name to be called (I can be guilty of the last two). And, eugh, the wait ALWAYS takes forever. If I have the first appointment of the day I still have to wait forever. If I don't? For-fucking-get it.

Follow a nurse into the room, have vitals taken, then wait another forever (never ever shorter than 10 minutes) for a resident. Resident asks the same bloody questions to get the same god damn answers they always get. A.L.W.A.Y.S. If something had changed, I would so gladly volunteer that information.

Doctor comes, re-asks the questions, then leaves for another damn forever. Why? Because prescriptions must be written in secret with a magic pen on a magic pad.

And then I get to leave. And take the damn drive home. But I covered that. As of recent my doctor has either a) not actually been there and I've had to see a subordinate monkey or II) fucked up my script in a way I can't possibly know about until I got all the way to my home Walgreens. Pain. in. the. ass.

I hate going to the doctor. I never come home not in pain and wanting to murder everything.

I was dizzy with delight, when suddenly, my ship sank!

2009-11-07T19:13:00.001-08:00

Moving right along. 64-60. Master list.

64. Network (1976) - I actually watched this for the first time not long ago when it came on Turner Classic. God, how I love Turner Classic. Um, anyway, Network has a lot of good ideas, but it aged very badly. Originally it probably would have been pulling Five Stars, but for what is now eyeball rolling it's probably Three Stars.

63. Cabaret (1972) - Finally, a movie I thought I wouldn't like that I didn't like. It's so very refreshing to realize I do know my own tastes. The few moments in this that are worth something (the tutoring scene, the Money song) aren't good enough to wash the rest away. I like my musicals to be musicals. Two Stars.

62. American Graffiti (1973) - I am honestly not sure what the hell to think of this movie. If it had a plot beyond "kids out" I missed it, but large parts of it were damn entertaining. I...I just don't know. Call it Three Stars

61. Sullivan's Travels (1941) - Another for the "I'd never heard of it" pile. Very funny, and full of the 1940s style "super fast talking" acting style that makes the jokes that much funnier. The plot's been done since, and better (e.g. Life Stinks) but you can't deny the funny here. Fourish Stars

60. Duck Soup (1933) - Marx. Brothers. Five. Stars.

Why do we need super produced intros to prime time football?

2009-11-02T17:40:00.000-08:00

I, soon, am moving to Australia. The Lucky Country. The land of upside down people. All of whom are descended from criminals and ride kangaroos to the platypus pond where they feed koalas with Yahoo Serious. Or at least that's what I've cobbled together from Crocodile Dundee and The Simpsons and the Steve Irwin show. I've been told it's not exactly like that, and warned that I should refrain from saying "CRIKEY!" or trying to start a game of knifey spooney if I ever want to see my fiancee naked. Since I very much do, I'm going to have to work on my willpower.

Anyways. I am moving to Australia just as soon as I can scrape together the (very large amount) of cash. But the thinking about it makes me happy, so I do that pretty much all day. Of late I've been taking a mental checklist of things I need to take with me and what to leave here and what might be worth something to sell. If I ever remember to get the digital camera from whoever had the digital camera I'm going to put a hockey jersey that I didn't buy (swear) on eBay, should garner like $40, which is actually something. Other than that, though, I don't think I have anything really sellable. The family will flip me some cash for my television, DVD player and Wii (I chose poorly) and I'm so damn happy I didn't buy the XBox when I intended to a few months ago. I have some DVDs that, by all rights, should be worth something to the right people–the "Red Cross" version of the Sleepaway Camp box set, a "tin box" Evil Dead II, few other things–but apparently all of those people have them because the current eBay auctions are bringing in nada. It's annoying as shit.

I also have to, eventually, sift through every book and DVD I own and decide what's worth bringing with me (thank science for region free players) and what's not and then see what I can do with those. It would be nice if there was one of those whole city garage sales and I could toss the tubs out and let people pay me $1 each for whatever random Star Wars (gifts!) and Stephen King (guilty) books they want, but that ain't gonna happen, and I don't have enough other stuff to have my own sale. Frustrating. There's so many things I want to keep though. For purely selfish reasons. Purely "those are mine" reasons. My Hitchhiker's Guide, all my graphic novels, trades, and comics, a box at least of TV on DVD (Scrubs, The Simpsons, Aqua Teen, Dexter) and that doesn't even count the...uh...rent-to-own DVDs living under my bed.

I really wish I could take my bed. I love my bed. Fond memories, even if the mattress and box spring needs replacing. It alone (lots of wood) would be about an arm and half a leg. Just not worth it. Not to mention I'm fairly certain it won't survive being taken apart, sent half way around the world, then put back together. Sigh, sigh, sigh.

But, you know, it's all for a good cause. If ever there was a reason to put masses of my stuff on the auction block, this is it. I almost feel like a grown up. I also feel like it's sad just how much of my life (read: stuff) is so easily discardable.

Still, on the plus side, the lovely girlie started my moving process when she stole my Catwoman toy. Evil woman.

We have a potentially critical situation here.

2009-11-01T17:54:00.000-08:00

I actually finished this set on Friday and forgot to post it until checking the list to see what my next movie is. As always, this has been appended to the master list.

70. A Clockwork Orange (1971) - For some reason I'd never been able to watch this all the way through for some reason, yet I still liked the movie. Now that I have seen it all the way through it turns out it lives up to it's hype. Five Stars

69. Tootsie (1982) - Another of those movies I never bothered because I just knew I wouldn't like it, turns out I was way wrong. It's quite hilarious. Four Stars

68. Unforgiven (1992) - Now here's a flick I never expected to like. A western where people change overtime and have actual personalities and everything isn't build between gunfights. Four Star

67. Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? (1966) - Another movie I totally didn't expect to like and ended up loving. It's really hard to describe, and even follow at some points, but it's fascinating watching Liz Taylor and Richard Burton. Fascinating. Five Stars for being rewatchable as hell.

66. Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) 0 I still remember the first time I ever saw this, which wasn't that long ago. Maybe...10 years or so. I'd put it off for the same reasons of putting any popular movie off, then downloaded it totally illegally and fell in love. Watched the next ones, loved them. Suddely got jokes that referenced the series! Oh..right...Raiders of the Lost Ark is a damn fun film. Five Stars.

65. African Queen (1951) - This is the first, and I believe only, movie on the 100 list not available on DVD in North America. If I can track down a download I'll revise this.

2009-10-30T21:33:00.000-07:00

I've been allowing myself to become obsessive of late. It's not good, probably, but I can't seem to help it. Like, after the fiancee purchased the big Beatles box it became the only thing I listened to, and am only now pulling myself out of that (easing into some Smashing Pumpkins & They Might Be Giants), but while it had me fully in it's grasp I was browsing (the 9000) books at Borders and renting the Anthology series and downloading the Mono box to listen to songs back to back (mono=amazing).

Just recently I started this space-kick. Rented From the Earth to the Moon and, half way through the first episode, added Apollo 13 and The Right Stuff to my Netflix queue. And reading Wiki articles about every person and piece of equipment shown. It's weird. Weird.

Of course, the other thing I'm obsessing about is my pending move to The Lucky Country and looking for any corners I can cut or shortcuts to finding cash to sock away (no luck).

Bah, I'm totally missing my show.

This is a conspiracy, that's what this is.

2009-10-27T11:21:00.000-07:00

I don't think I've had a string of five movies I enjoyed all the way through. There's always one.

75. In the Heat of the Night (1967) - Now THIS is how you make cop drama. Sidney Poitier is awesome & Rod Steiger is even better. Hell, it's even a tad "whodunit", if only because Steiger keeps deciding the last person he saw did it based on nada. Five Stars easy. However, I watched the trailer on the disc? Gives away the whole movie in order. Who's bright idea was that?

74. The Silence of the Lambs (1991) - Another flick I've loved for as long as I can remember. In fact, I used to argue that Hannibal Lecter was, in fact, not a villain but a really flawed anti-hero. Really flawed. I have to sentimentally give this Five Stars.

73. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969) - Perhaps it's simply my aversion to the western genre popping up again, but this movie bored me to no end. A star. That's it.

72. The Shawshank Redemption (1994) - Yet another movie you either love or are a moron for not loving. It's brilliant. Which is something considering it sprang from the mind of Stephen King. Five Stars before I even put the disc in.

71. Saving Private Ryan (1998) - Best war movie ever? Maybe after Full Metal Jacket. When it was new I only watched the opening battle scene and was convinced the movie had peaked in it's opening. Turns out, it gets better. Five Stars.

ca-ching

2009-10-25T18:10:00.001-07:00

Yesterday...or the day before, maybe–My life is one big run together mess of late–I sat and, mid conversation with the wonderful one, did something that might be mistaken for math if I didn't know me so well. What about? About exactly how much I need to sock away before I can rejoin the aforementioned Awesome Aussie for good. Follow along:

Visa: $2000
+ Passport: 100
+ Plane tickets: 2500*
a fuck of a lot

This does not count the credit cards I need to zero-out before leaving nor actually having money to live on. By my calculations, to leave by March I need to bank $500 a month. Minimum. Eugh.

The other day, via Twitta, I came across weneedayard.com and was freaking offended. Firstly; I thought the cyberbegging craze was long dead, secondly; it's so damn entitled to actually think you deserve to solicit donations because you couldn't plan correctly and remember it goes home->animals, not animals->home. I sincerely hope they get a grand total of $0.00, but then I remember this is America and couching it in the fact that it's for animals is very likely to cause donations to come in.

And, no, of course I'm not being king hypocrite and soliciting donations from friends. Save your money so you can buy us something expensive from our registry! I'm looking at you, super awesome vibrating chair that I will grow to love more than my bride. Unless she's willing to sit in it with me and shake together. But then we may never get to work. Er...I didn't write that. And you didn't read it.

Anyway, is it so wrong to want to jump countries and marry the most awesome woman in the world? Why can't Comrade Obama super-secret-Socialist-Agenda have a "true love" fund I could apply to and get a good $6k of taxpayer money? That's some bullshit.

In other stream of consciousness news; we're in the middle of setting up the wedding blog(s). Registered the domain name(s) and now just have to figure out what to put on them. Watch this space (or that one) for updates on that.

This Giants/Zona game suuuuuuuucks.

*If I buy the tickets now, prices go up the closer to the flight date, of course.

Flix

2009-10-23T19:38:00.000-07:00

Some bad flicks in this bunch. Weird.

81. Spartacus (1960) - Why do people enjoy this? I mean, really? I honestly just made it to Intermission before I threw in the towel. Just couldn't take it.

80. The Apartment (1960) - Hi. Larry. Us. I've only seen a handful of Billy Wilder films, but I've yet to see a bad one. Five Stars easy.

79. The Wild Bunch (1969) - There was a time when I simply rejected westerns out of hand. Wanted nothing to do with them. I've since matured a bit and found that come can be pretty good. Plus, ya know, Sam Peckinpah. It's a good movie, but it feels long. I had to take a break and come back to it. Four stars if you have the patience for everything that happens, less if you don't. It's beautifully and masterfully shot, if nothing else.

78. Modern Times (1936) - Like most other Chaplin flicks, this is both hilarious and a bit touching. The first twenty minutes are about the funniest thing I've ever seen in life. A product of it's time, it's a little frantic. That's truly the only negative about it. Four Stars because it made me pay more attention than I should have had to!

77. All The President's Men (1976) - I am honestly not sure what I thought of this movie. It's weird storytelling. Watching two reporters run around interviewing people and trying to get sourced quotes. I want to give it four, but got so bored at one point I can't give it more than Two Stars and still feel good about it.

76. Forrest Gump (1994) - I loved this movie when it came out. Loved it. I thought watching it made me smarter or more worldly or something. In the years since my opinion of it has dropped, I now see it as (and I hate this phrase) "tardsploitation" like Radio and even Rain Man. It's mostly a touching story, though. Wonderfully done. It doesn't deserve a full five stars, but I can't justify giving it less than Four Stars

Here, there, and everywhere

2009-10-23T13:49:00.000-07:00

I was going to blog about something completely different than what I'm about to blog about. Something all super mushy and "I love my fiancee" and blah blah "need monies to move". Instead I did something stupid.

In a public forum I denied my depression. I don't know what made me do something so crazy, but I did it. I said something along the lines of "I tried medication, but it did little and I'm fine without it". This wasn't smart because my depression sometimes acts like the metaphorical "black dog" and simply needs to be summoned to get it to crawl into my lap and hang around. Ever since making such a stupid, prideful statement my mood has incrementally gone down until just a few hours ago when I literally crawled into bed, head under the covers, planning to stay there until morning.

I can't really explain it to anyone who hasn't been there, and to those who have been there no explanation is needed. You either know or you don't know how you can go from feeling fine(ish) to yelling retreat louder than Cobra Commander as Trouble Bubbles crash around him. Oops, did I nerd at you?

Anyway, I've willed myself up and out of bed on the excuse that my Pestilence needs his pheno or he will have a seizure TODAY (he probably won't. In fact I think I want to take him to the vet and see if his meds can be cut at all.) and dishes washed and blah blah thing thing. Go. Do. That was almost enough to shake the dog, but I could and can still feel him panting on the backs of my legs. He's making it difficult to everything. Good movies are hard to watch, good books are hard to read, I even got upset with my Cujo because he was...acting like Cujo. Doing what he does every day. When it's making me angry at my dog for acting like a dog I start to wonder if maybe seeking out meds again isn't a bad idea. And then I remember: out medical system sucks and, if the republicans and republican voting democrats get their way, always will. The hoops I have to jump through to get the drugs make the damn feelings worse.

I wish my actual dogs heeled as well as this one.

Talking about it helps. Too bad I never do that. Ever. I think sometimes the painkillers make it worse as well. Opioids. Morphine. Depressants, right? But can't skip those or I'm in bed with the covers over my head for a whole other reason. 22: caught. I see what you did there, universe. Very clever. Very cunning.

Ah well, such is my lot in life. At least I've found an amazing woman who puts up with all my shit. She's really too good for me, you know.

Anyway, I think there's only one movie for the next 5 to go up. All The President's Men. Been looking forward to watching that, actually. It's possible Forrest Gump is in this section. I could check, but that doesn't sound like me.

Have you seen Polythene Pam

2009-10-17T10:01:00.000-07:00

Only four flicks in this one because my copy of (81) Spartacus arrived broken. However (80) The Apartment did not so I'm going to watch the two of them out of order and graft Spartacus onto the next 5 list. Master List

85. A Night at the Opera (1935) - Five Stars easy. The Marx Brothers were comedic gods, this is simply a fact. If you can watch the worst Marx movie (for me I think that's Cocoanuts) and not spend a good half the running time laughing until you hurt then your humor has run down and possibly broken off.

84. Easy Rider (1969) - I hated this movie the first time I saw it and hated it this time. After years of hearing that it's so amazing I can't help but think maybe it's simply aged badly and in 1969 there was an audience for this and it was actually counter culture and subversive. These days it's just boring. Two Stars for good performances from Fonda and Hopper and the countless parodies and references it has made possible (not the least of which is the holy shit moment at the end of the first season of The Venture Bros and one of my favourite episodes of Duckman.

83. Titanic (1997) - Eugh. This is how dedicated I am to this project, I will watch the things I know to be crap from bell to bell. This movie, as I'm sure everyone knows, is equal parts lame and cheesy with a hint of eyerolling stupidity thrown in. Yet, again, a decent performance (Kate Winslet). If you're into this kind of chicky flick it's probably worth more, but for me it's One Star, one and a half tops.

82. Sunrise: A Song of Two Humans (1927) - It's really not fair for me to give a review of this movie. The second oldest thing on the list (58. Gold Rush is two years earlier) it's silent. I have a problem with most silent movies (can watch Chaplin or Keaton silents, but only so many) in that I can not passively sit and watch anything. I have to be reading or frakking around on the laptop or cleaning or something. ANYTHING but just sit and watch. So I watched it, but only about half paying attention.

Men on film

2009-10-15T23:17:00.001-07:00

Flicks 90-86. Some good stuff and I'm enjoying this. Seeing some movies I'v never seen (some I've never heard of) rewatching some I ordinarily wouldn't. I fully endorse downloading any AFI list next time you're wondering what to rent.

That said, it took a while to watch these five because I got wrapped up in Netflixing the Beatles Anthology series (which is EXCELLENT). Per usual, this set has been grafted to the master list.

90. Swing Time (1936) - Here we have an odd movie. While I can see it getting four or five stars from other people, it's just not going to get that from me. As much as I enjoy musicals, I've never cared for 'dance' flicks. I can muster up Two Stars for it, and even that is stretching it since the plot was suspect. Truly it was but a showcase of Fred & Ginger dancing.

89. The Sixth Sense (1999) - When this movie was new I had a lot of hatred for it because I saw through the "twist" almost immediately and was bored waiting for the reveal. It would have been easy to just give it One Star based on that, but I did actually watch it again as promised. It's still pretty boring in parts, but both Bruce Willis and Haley Joel Osment work their asses off. Still, it's not the kind of movie people should give multiple viewings. For the performances alone, Two or Three Stars. The story is still lamesauce.

88. Bringing Up Baby (1938) - A solid Four Star comedy (it gets a little long in the middle before bouncing back). I love Cary Grant, love his voice, could listen to him read the phonebook. Katherine Hepburn is gorgeous and nutty and hilarious. The whole movie is worth watching for two scenes: the nightclub/dress tearing scene and the jail scene. What's disturbing is that this movie failed, the director was fired, and Katherine Hepburn was labeled "box office poison" and struck from movies in general after. Further proof that people are stupid.

87. 12 Angry Men (1957) - This is an amazing movie. Aside from the intro and outro (for a lack of better words) it takes place in one room and features 12 characters without names. Weird thing is, first time I watched it I didn't even notice. This movie is so good even the 1997 remake is good. Five stars, easy.

86. Platoon (1986) - This is a hard movie to review. I haven't seen it in ~10 years, at which time I thought it was overrated overblown crap. A bit older I enjoyed it a hell of a lot more, still though it has to compete with the likes of Full Metal Jacket (somehow not on the list!) and Saving Private Ryan (71). Sure it's a good film about war, but it can't stand next to those. The only thing I can think is to give it a tentative Four Stars with the caveat that it's because it's in such a stacked genre.

2009-10-08T20:25:00.000-07:00

It's happened again. I've run out of things to post about. I'm just out of words. And what's worse, every time an idea pops in to my head it somehow morphs into either a) me ranting about my Awesome Aussie or 2) petty bitching about life in general. Two thins no one but me (well, maybe she) wants to read.

I am, at this point, two movies away from another 100 movies post, problem is my Netflix has been hijacked by The Beatles Anthology series so it's going to take longer than it should to get there. Two really good movies coming up though.

So, yeah, that's why no yakkety yakkety.

Self improvement is masturbation

2009-10-05T20:34:00.000-07:00

I, in shocking news to everyone and against all the odds, am getting married. Married to a woman so much my better I'm afraid she's going to realize what's going on and call the whole thing off any minute now.

Until she does, though, I figure I should take the time between now and whenever we do this thing to find some way to improve upon myself. Not for her (yes, for her) but for me. I'm not a big fan of me, so I figure some self improvement can only help. Gonna tier it, starting with something semi-easy:

Stage one; I'm going to give up soda. Soda, which I more or less live on. I have, right now, about half a 12-pack of root beer, and once that's done I'm all water and juice and flavoured water. Milk.

If that goes well I'll have to up the ante. To what? I dunno, actual healthy food? That would involve giving up my (cold) pop tarts in the morning. I'M ONLY ONE MAN!

Reviews: 95-91

2009-10-03T16:55:00.001-07:00

Movies 95-91 are reviewed below, and this has been appended to the original post.

95. The Last Picture Show (1971) - Holy crap. I can't believe I've never seen this before or heard of it. A pseudo-"coming of age" story set in a boring Texas town, but so much more than that. I can't describe. Everyone should see this once. Five Stars

94. Pulp Fiction (1994) - It's Pulp fucking Fiction. Five Stars

93. The French Connection (1971) - What was that? Just...boring. Perhaps it hasn't aged well is the problem but it just did not hold my attention at all. Even the vaunted car chase was yawnworthy. No stars

92. Goodfellas (1990) - As far back as I can remember, I've always loved this movie. Brilliant little film about the gangster life. If there's a flaw (IF) it's that the first quarter to first half aren't a cohesive plot driven story so much as a collection of vignettes watching Hill grow up. That's so minor the flick still gets Five Stars.

91. Sophie's Choice (1982) - There's a whole host of movies which exist and for my whole life have heard they were great, but nonetheless avoided watching for various reasons. In this case, it just didn't look like my kind of movie. Boy was I wrong. Meryl Steep, Kevin Kline, & Peter MacNicol all turned in amazing performances in a powerful story. Simply amazing. Five stars isn't enough for this film. Hell, Streep earned five stars just for the "choice" scene.

incomplete

2009-09-28T20:04:00.000-07:00

I'm having a bitch of a day. Well, mostly. Had to go back to the doctor for the third time this month about pill fuck ups. It wouldn't be as big a deal as it is if they weren't fucking with my painkillers. You know, the things that keep me from curling into a ball and whimpering all day long. And now that I have the correct pills, the pills which I always get 3 months worth so I don't have to drive two hours both way back to the doctor, I have to turn around and go back in less than a month because EVERYONE IS AN ASSHOLE BUT ME. I seriously wish I could find another doctor.

After leaving the doc I went to Toys R Us (I wasn't driving because I was in fucking pain) to get the nephew's birthday gifts for Wednesday. I fully intended no buying him his first set of big boy Lego, but I wanted them to be Batman themed. I walked up and down the Lego aisle about 4 times, saw animals, Egypt, Indiana Jones (Crystal Skull, eugh) and Star Wars, no Bats. Had to go plan B and just action figure him up. I got him a handful from the (most excellent) Brave & The Bold cartoon: Batman vs Alien twin pack, Blue Beatle, and Black Manta (the only villain they had) as well as some tiny super deformed style Star Wars guys (I forget who, I think Han & Chewie and R2 & three Jawas) Or something else completely. Hell if I can remember earlier today. There was something else I bought, but I don't remember. I'll probably scoop him up some more come Wednesday when I hit the loose figures rack at Stand-Up. He doesn't know new from used yet. Those are only like three-five bucks or something.

Why is this bad though? Because I'm so broke right now I can't afford to buy a soda at Walgreens while picking up my pills. My credit card burns when I touch it. I'll be happy when my fn "job" that I hate doing starts. Though tomorrow I intend to update my resume and apply for another thing which sounds pretty awesome (which means I won't get it).

One-Two-Three-FAH!

2009-09-26T14:58:00.000-07:00

On 09.09.09 The Beatles, also known as the greatest damn band in the land, entire (canon) back catalogue was re-released in re-mastered versions. Not just every record as a new disc, but even a big ol' box with everything in it. This was while my lovely lady was here and she decided to pick herself up on here because it would be more expensive in the lucky country. Therefore we spend a goodly amount of time listening to the various discs while we drove around. We both came to the conclusion that they sound amazing.

Before she left she forced me to let her buy a second box for me. This was not an easy task, not the least reason because they were sold out everywhere we tried. I did manage to put a hold on one at a local Borders that, apparently, someone else had a hold on and didn't bother picking up. I tried to convince her not to spend the cash on me, but she was not to be denied.

Anyway, I've listened to nothing but The Beatles since we picked hers up, on either the ninth or tenth, can't remember, but we were lucky to find that one too. Anyways, listening to such a great band for such a long time has made me go all crazy. I've spent more than a normal amount of time reading Wikipedia articles (every. song.) and am fairly certain I'm going to be dropping coin on the big Anthology set (which is on sale on Amazon right now, but I'm broker than usual). I also need to pick up a few strays, Let It Be...Naked and Love among them.

It makes me think, though, why was I so intent on not listening to the Beatles when people tried to expose me to them at a younger age. It took years before I started listening to them. Feels like a lot of wasted time listening to garbage and proclaiming it good.

Review

2009-09-23T12:34:00.000-07:00

I'm watching the entire 100 years...100 movies (10th anniversary edition) and decided to throw a short "review" of each film. I'm watching backwards, figuring they'll get better as we go. I've already seen a number of them, including seven or eight of the Top Ten, but I'm watching them again anyway. Reviews are going to be put up in chunks, always in this post with a link back.

100. Ben-Hur (1959) - This movie is extremely long, but never lulls. There's some serious gay subtext between Judah Ben-Her & Messala that I thought I was imagining until I saw it on wiki after reading it. I'd go three, three and a half stars. It was watchable, but not re-watchable.

99. Toy Story (1995) - The movie that kick-started Pixar, but, honestly on the bottom of my list of their oeuvre. Only a few of their films rank below it (Toy Story 2, Cars, and Wall-E). Such an enjoyable film, lighthearted yet serious and very, very nice to look at still. Seen it a bunch of times, always entertaining. A good four, four and a half stars, only because Pixar has done better movies (Incredibles, Monsters, Inc., Nemo) I've never seen Ratatouille. I should rectify that.

98. Yankee Doodle Dandy (1942) - I can't believe I haven't seen this before. James Cagney sings and dances his ass off. Still, peppered with songs that it is, I don't think I'd call it a musical. Great, fun movie. Five stars.

97. Blade Runner (1982/2007) - This is one of those movies I always meant to watch, but never got around to. Apparently there are seven versions of this movie, I watched the "Final Cut" which begins with an introduction from Ridley Scott himself saying it's hit preferred version. Probably the best piece of Sci Fi I've ever seen. Five stars.

96. Do The Right Thing (1989) - A powerful movie. four and a half stars easy. I do admit that the riot makes me uncomfortable, but I understand it.

95. The Last Picture Show (1971) - Holy crap. I can't believe I've never seen this before or heard of it. A pseudo-"coming of age" story set in a boring Texas town, but so much more than that. I can't describe. Everyone should see this once. Five Stars

94. Pulp Fiction (1994) - It's Pulp fucking Fiction. Five Stars

93. The French Connection (1971) - What was that? Just...boring. Perhaps it hasn't aged well is the problem but it just did not hold my attention at all. Even the vaunted car chase was yawnworthy. No stars

92. Goodfellas (1990) - As far back as I can remember, I've always loved this movie. Brilliant little film about the gangster life. If there's a flaw (IF) it's that the first quarter to first half aren't a cohesive plot driven story so much as a collection of vignettes watching Hill grow up. That's so minor the flick still gets Five Stars.

91. Sophie's Choice (1982) - There's a whole host of movies which exist and for my whole life have heard they were great, but nonetheless avoided watching for various reasons. In this case, it just didn't look like my kind of movie. Boy was I wrong. Meryl Steep, Kevin Kline, & Peter MacNicol all turned in amazing performances in a powerful story. Simply amazing. Five stars isn't enough for this film. Hell, Streep earned five stars just for the "choice" scene.

90. Swing Time (1936) - Here we have an odd movie. While I can see it getting four or five stars from other people, it's just not going to get that from me. As much as I enjoy musicals, I've never cared for 'dance' flicks. I can muster up Two Stars for it, and even that is stretching it since the plot was suspect. Truly it was but a showcase of Fred & Ginger dancing.

89. The Sixth Sense (1999) - When this movie was new I had a lot of hatred for it because I saw through the "twist" almost immediately and was bored waiting for the reveal. It would have been easy to just give it One Star based on that, but I did actually watch it again as promised. It's still pretty boring in parts, but both Bruce Willis and Haley Joel Osment work their asses off. Still, it's not the kind of movie people should give multiple viewings. For the performances alone, Two or Three Stars. The story is still lamesauce.

88. Bringing Up Baby (1938) - A solid Four Star comedy (it gets a little long in the middle before bouncing back). I love Cary Grant, love his voice, could listen to him read the phonebook. Katherine Hepburn is gorgeous and nutty and hilarious. The whole movie is worth watching for two scenes: the nightclub/dress tearing scene and the jail scene. What's disturbing is that this movie failed, the director was fired, and Katherine Hepburn was labeled "box office poison" and struck from movies in general after. Further proof that people are stupid.

87. 12 Angry Men (1957) - This is an amazing movie. Aside from the intro and outro (for a lack of better words) it takes place in one room and features 12 characters without names. Weird thing is, first time I watched it I didn't even notice. This movie is so good even the 1997 remake is good. Five stars, easy.

86. Platoon (1986) - This is a hard movie to review. I haven't seen it in ~10 years, at which time I thought it was overrated overblown crap. A bit older I enjoyed it a hell of a lot more, still though it has to compete with the likes of Full Metal Jacket (somehow not on the list!) and Saving Private Ryan (71). Sure it's a good film about war, but it can't stand next to those. The only thing I can think is to give it a tentative Four Stars with the caveat that it's because it's in such a stacked genre.

85. A Night at the Opera (1935) - Five Stars easy. The Marx Brothers were comedic gods, this is simply a fact. If you can watch the worst Marx movie (for me I think that's Cocoanuts) and not spend a good half the running time laughing until you hurt then your humor has run down and possibly broken off.

84. Easy Rider (1969) - I hated this movie the first time I saw it and hated it this time. After years of hearing that it's so amazing I can't help but think maybe it's simply aged badly and in 1969 there was an audience for this and it was actually counter culture and subversive. These days it's just boring. Two Stars for good performances from Fonda and Hopper and the countless parodies and references it has made possible (not the least of which is the holy shit moment at the end of the first season of The Venture Bros and one of my favourite episodes of Duckman.

83. Titanic (1997) - Eugh. This is how dedicated I am to this project, I will watch the things I know to be crap from bell to bell. This movie, as I'm sure everyone knows, is equal parts lame and cheesy with a hint of eyerolling stupidity thrown in. Yet, again, a decent performance (Kate Winslet). If you're into this kind of chicky flick it's probably worth more, but for me it's One Star, one and a half tops.

82. Sunrise: A Song of Two Humans (1927) - It's really not fair for me to give a review of this movie. The second oldest thing on the list (58. Gold Rush is two years earlier) it's silent. I have a problem with most silent movies (can watch Chaplin or Keaton silents, but only so many) in that I can not passively sit and watch anything. I have to be reading or frakking around on the laptop or cleaning or something. ANYTHING but just sit and watch. So I watched it, but only about half paying attention.

81. Spartacus (1960) - Why do people enjoy this? I mean, really? I honestly just made it to Intermission before I threw in the towel. Just couldn't take it.

80. The Apartment (1960) - Hi. Larry. Us. I've only seen a handful of Billy Wilder films, but I've yet to see a bad one. Five Stars easy.

79. The Wild Bunch (1969) - There was a time when I simply rejected westerns out of hand. Wanted nothing to do with them. I've since matured a bit and found that come can be pretty good. Plus, ya know, Sam Peckinpah. It's a good movie, but it feels long. I had to take a break and come back to it. Four stars if you have the patience for everything that happens, less if you don't. It's beautifully and masterfully shot, if nothing else.

78. Modern Times (1936) - Like most other Chaplin flicks, this is both hilarious and a bit touching. The first twenty minutes are about the funniest thing I've ever seen in life. A product of it's time, it's a little frantic. That's truly the only negative about it. Four Stars because it made me pay more attention than I should have had to!

77. All The President's Men (1976) - I am honestly not sure what I thought of this movie. It's weird storytelling. Watching two reporters run around interviewing people and trying to get sourced quotes. I want to give it four, but got so bored at one point I can't give it more than Two Stars and still feel good about it.

76. Forrest Gump (1994) - I loved this movie when it came out. Loved it. I thought watching it made me smarter or more worldly or something. In the years since my opinion of it has dropped, I now see it as (and I hate this phrase) "tardsploitation" like Radio and even Rain Man. It's mostly a touching story, though. Wonderfully done. It doesn't deserve a full five stars, but I can't justify giving it less than Four Stars

75. In the Heat of the Night (1967) - Now THIS is how you make cop drama. Sidney Poitier is awesome & Rod Steiger is even better. Hell, it's even a tad "whodunit", if only because Steiger keeps deciding the last person he saw did it based on nada. Five Stars easy. However, I watched the trailer on the disc? Gives away the whole movie in order. Who's bright idea was that?

74. The Silence of the Lambs (1991) - Another flick I've loved for as long as I can remember. In fact, I used to argue that Hannibal Lecter was, in fact, not a villain but a really flawed anti-hero. Really flawed. I have to sentimentally give this Five Stars.

73. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969) - Perhaps it's simply my aversion to the western genre popping up again, but this movie bored me to no end. A star. That's it.

72. The Shawshank Redemption (1994) - Yet another movie you either love or are a moron for not loving. It's brilliant. Which is something considering it sprang from the mind of Stephen King. Five Stars before I even put the disc in.

71. Saving Private Ryan (1998) - Best war movie ever? Maybe after Full Metal Jacket. When it was new I only watched the opening battle scene and was convinced the movie had peaked in it's opening. Turns out, it gets better. Five Stars.

70. A Clockwork Orange (1971) - For some reason I'd never been able to watch this all the way through for some reason, yet I still liked the movie. Now that I have seen it all the way through it turns out it lives up to it's hype. Five Stars

69. Tootsie (1982) - Another of those movies I never bothered because I just knew I wouldn't like it, turns out I was way wrong. It's quite hilarious. Four Stars

68. Unforgiven (1992) - Now here's a flick I never expected to like. A western where people change overtime and have actual personalities and everything isn't build between gunfights. Four Star

67. Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? (1966) - Another movie I totally didn't expect to like and ended up loving. It's really hard to describe, and even follow at some points, but it's fascinating watching Liz Taylor and Richard Burton. Fascinating. Five Stars for being rewatchable as hell.

66.Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) 0 I still remember the first time I ever saw this, which wasn't that long ago. Maybe...10 years or so. I'd put it off for the same reasons of putting any popular movie off, then downloaded it totally illegally and fell in love. Watched the next ones, loved them. Suddely got jokes that referenced the series! Oh..right...Raiders of the Lost Ark is a damn fun film. Five Stars.

65. African Queen (1951) - This is the first, and I believe only, movie on the 100 list not available on DVD in North America. If I can track down a download I'll revise this.

64. Network (1976) - I actually watched this for the first time not long ago when it came on Turner Classic. God, how I love Turner Classic. Um, anyway, Network has a lot of good ideas, but it aged very badly. Originally it probably would have been pulling Five Stars, but for what is now eyeball rolling it's probably Three Stars.

63. Cabaret (1972) - Finally, a movie I thought I wouldn't like that I didn't like. It's so very refreshing to realize I do know my own tastes. The few moments in this that are worth something (the tutoring scene, the Money song) aren't good enough to wash the rest away. I like my musicals to be musicals. Two Stars.

62. American Graffiti (1973) - I am honestly not sure what the hell to think of this movie. If it had a plot beyond "kids out" I missed it, but large parts of it were damn entertaining. I...I just don't know. Call it Three Stars

61. Sullivan's Travels (1941) - Another for the "I'd never heard of it" pile. Very funny, and full of the 1940s style "super fast talking" acting style that makes the jokes that much funnier. The plot's been done since, and better (e.g. Life Stinks) but you can't deny the funny here. Fourish Stars

60. Duck Soup (1933) - Marx. Brothers. Five. Stars.

59. Nashville (1975) - What the fuck was that? I didn't even finish this it was so bad. I wouldn't watch this if you paid me. No stars

58. The Gold Rush (1925) - The one I got from Netflix was the "rerelease", which proves that directors were mucking with their movies and adding new tech to them long before George Lucas. In this case taking a silent movie and adding sound. I can't tell you how weird it is to, the whole thing watches like a story being told with Chaplin reciting everyone's dialogue ("'Come on, come on.', he said"). Nonetheless, Chaplin=funny. I'll call it Four Stars just because I'm betting it's funnier without narration. Turns out the funniest scene is on YouTube.

57. Rocky (1976) - I love the Rocky series as a whole. They've never done me wrong. Sure, they essentially rehash the same story a couple times, but do so well. I came close to buying the box set when it was released after Rocky Balboa, but I found out they include some totally not real "Rocky V" thing. WTF is that?

56. Jaws (1975) - I have a confession to make. In all my 27 years I have never seen Jaws. Not all the way through anyway. I've seen enough parodies and homages–from The Simpsons to Chasing Amy–that I had the gist of the thing so I figured; why bother? And ya know what? Turns out I was right. A good movie, to be sure, but nothing amazing. And the shark looks fake. Three stars for being exactly what I expected it to be.

55. North by Northwest (1959) - Ya know, NxNW is not my favourite Hitchcock movie. Despite it always placing in the top of nearly every critic who know much more that me about these things list of Hitch movies. And Cary Grant being in it. I just never loved it as much as Rope, Vertigo, or Rear Window. Three stars because he's done better.

54. M*A*S*H (1970) - Last time I made the confession that I'd not seen Jaws all the way through. Here's another, which I think most people know, actually; I hate MASH. Hate the film, hate the TV series, won't touch the book. I know people think it's great and blah blah whatever, it just causes me to glaze over. Two stars at best.

53. The Deer Hunter (1978) - Now here's a movie I love, even if it's about 90 hours long. It would never be released now, not at this length. The studio would probably force them to cut half of both first acts. Four stars, losing one simply on length.

52. Taxi Driver (1976) - Another classic. For the longest time I was in the crowd that thought the end of the movie was a delusion. I wish I hadn't heard that it definitely wasn't, it made the movie so much better. Still it's a five star watch it often type of flick.

51. West Side Story (1961) - One of my favourite musicals. I've always wanted to see the play live as it was written, but kinda fear it will ruin the movie for me. Right now I can watch West Side Story just about any time. It's been my 'watch-it-until-I-fall-asleep' movie more times than I can count. Five stars (I'm not gay)

50. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Rings (2001) - No. 0

49. Intolerance: Love's Struggle Throughout the Ages (1916) - Another silent movie that I just couldn't hack. I made it 20 minutes. This was a silent, silent movie: as in bad organ music and copious captions. If a story has been introduced in the first 20 minutes maybe I could have watched it, but instead of a story the movie starts jumping back in time to watch a pharisee pray and then something about a queen and...what? Yawn yawn yawn. Zero. Also, does anyone find it just hilarious that D.W. Griffith, he of Birth of a Nation fame made a movie called Intolerance? I was half expecting it to be a how-to guide.

48. Rear Window (1954) - My single favourite Hitch flick, and easily one of my top 5 movies of all time. The decision to film 98% of the movie either in or from L.B. Jeffries (Jimmy Stewart) apartment is the clincher. It's claustrophobic and gets the feeling of voyeurism (and then, once [reading from top to bottom] Lisa Carol Fremont finds herself in trouble the viewer feels as helpless and anxious as Jeff. Five stars.

47. A Streetcar Named Desire (1951) - Another movie I never actually sat down and watched and am now happy I have. Five star performances all around, and of course Tennessee Williams as a jumping off point.

46. It Happened One Night (1934) - One of the first "classic" movies I ever watched when I decided there had to be more than the summer blockbusters & such and started to explore out in the history of film. Which is a good thing, because the amazingness of this movie (which none of the stars wanted to make because they thought it would fail) encouraged me to explore more. Made in 1934 and still one of the funniest & most romantic movies ever.

45. Shane (1953) - I'm finding out about myself that I guess I just don't dig on non-spaghetti westerns. Shane, however, was a decent little flick. It shows some age by having people just fall into their place and not develop characters so much as would be required now (especially the kid, the kid falls head over heels in man-crush in about 20 seconds), but the story is engaging enough. Three stars because I actually found myself upset when my scratched Netflix disc froze and I had to skip to the next "chapter".

44. The Philadelphia Story (1940) - Ever watch a movie, love it, but not catch the name so you could never watch it again? This is a case of that. I once saw a movie on TCM starring Katherine Hepburn, Clark Gable, and Jimmy Stewart, watched it and laughed my ass off, but missed the title. This movie is hilarious. Fast and witty, if you don't mind that it's also dated. Four stars.

43. Midnight Cowboy (1969) - Not the firs time I've seen Midnight Cowboy, but the first time both in a long time and that I've seen it all the way through. It's classed drama, but so much of it is funny that comedy should be printed on the box too. The kind of movie I forget about, despite it being four star watching.

42. Bonnie and Clyde (1967) - A stripped down & simplified, oft goofy, yet just as often gory, retelling of the story of Bonnie & Clyde. This was purposely a schizophrenic flick. Kinda weird. It switches from goofy hilarity to gory and serious (best example: when Clyde kills his first person). I don't entirely love the characterizations, but they mostly worked. Three stars. It kinda reminded me of Natural Born Killers (made in the 60s), actually.

41. King Kong (1933) - I wanted to watch this with the four year old, but couldn't make it happen. I still remember being in awe the first time I watched this, giant apes and dinosaurs fighting each other, Fay Wray being gorgeous, and the islanders dancing and chanting. Just the kind of movie that was amazing at a young age. It's less awe inspiring now–and it's probably a good thing I didn't watch it with the kid because it starts a bit slower than I remember–but is still infinetly watchable. I think I'll try sitting the kid down with it but skipping to a later chapter and ingoring all the boat stuff. Five Stars

40. The Sound of Music (1965) - I do so love a good musical, and this is among the best. Probably not one of my top five, but quite possibly top ten. It's certainly got some seriously singable songs. Five Stars with ease, even if it's not one of my all time favs.

39. Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964) - I've never found this to be the 10 Star hilarious movie everyone else does, but it is funny. Four Stars funny. It'd be three if Peter Sellers wasn't King Amazing.

38. The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1948) - Not at all the movie I was expecting and I'm now sad I waited so long to watch it. Five stars just for Bogie going completley insane. A hell of a movie with a hell of a story. This was one of those situations when I realize I've seen the parody more than the movie. Not the Steenkin' Badges thing, though we've all seen that a billion times, but this movie is paralleled in the excellent second season Simpsons episode Three Men and a Comic Book.

37. The Best Years of Our Lives (1946) - This flick was a wow moment. Never heard of it, turned it on, and got blown away. There's a little suspension of disbelief with all the guys living so close together and such, but letting that slide, the depiction of these vets returing from WWII (one without his hands) and adjusting–especially with the changing sentiment from some people, is heartwrenching. Five stars because as soon as I put it in the mail I wanted to watch it again.

36. The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957) - If someone asked me, just after finishing it, what this movie was about (not a plot recap), I would struggle for 10 minutes then shrug and offer up "Allied POWs in a terrible camp. A bridge is built." I'm very conflused and conflicted about this'n. Alec Guinness, for one, was his usual awesome self, but I don't think I'd really watch it again. I can go a high as four stars without feeling too bad, because the march in and the very end are worth the rental themselves.

35. Annie Hall (1977) - Now this one I do find to be 10 stars of hilarity. Not laugh out loud hilarious–for the most part–but hilarious nonetheless. Everything except for "Joey Five Cents" because the first time everyone sees it they think they're HILARIOUS. Five stars easy.

34. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937) - This, I think, is one of those movies everyone has seen so nobody watches. It's been forever and a week since I've watched it last and I swear, though I remembered the important parts, I forgot just massive chunks, which made it a fun watch. Not exactly like the first time, but fun nonetheless. I watched this'n with the 4-year-old who loved it. It's paced funny, I never noticed before. That there are title cards before the end instead of showing the glass coffin being made is distressing and they could have shown the wedding. I dunno, it's weird. I've gotta give it Five Stars on principle, but if it were released today the pacing problems would likely lower it a star or two.

33. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975) - I love this movie. Always have since the first time I saw it. It may be the first time I saw a movie then read the book (vastly superior!) instead of the other way around, come to think of it. My favourite Nicholson performance after Chinatown–a near perfect neo-noir flick that it isn't fair to compare to. Five Stars is getting off light for this. I'm shocked Hollywood didn't come up with some prequel to capitalize on the RP McMurphy character.

32. The Godfather: Part II (1974) - I've never seen the original Godfather placed higher on a movie list and agreed with it. I just can't. Part II has DeNiro! I guess some people have trouble with the dual storylines, the ride of Vito inter-cut with the life of Michael and his attempts to legitimize his business, but then again I guess some people are morons. Five Stars. You'll notice there's no Part III listed so I'll take the time now to say people are unnecessarily harsh on III, which is bad when compared to I and II but is pretty good when compared to, say, Night at the Museum and a work of genius next to Baby Geniuses.

31. The Maltese Falcon (1941) - This is one of those films I feel confident saying I've seen, but have never actually seen all the way through at a shot. Even in bits and pieces it's a Five Star gem. Bogey & Lorre in a noir flick? Complete with dames and McGuffin? There's nothing better ever.

30. Apocalypse Now (1979) - One of those movies that, through parody, tribute, and clips, it feels like I've seen, but never sat down to watch all the way through. Now that I have I'm torn. It was a damn good movie, one that you should definitely see in your life if you're a movie fan, but I can't see watching repeatedly. I'll go Four Stars instead of five for that.

29. Double Indemnity (1944) - A Billy Wilder production of a James Cain story? Instant Five Stars. I can only wonder how it would have turned out without the freakin' Hayes Code being the morality cops of America.

28. All About Eve (1950) - I Fell asleep the first time I watched this–a combination of a long morning & drugs–and was so upset for missing chunks I simply had to watch it again. Old Hollywood (from when they could still make movies about themselves without being accused of egocentrism) with old Hollywood dialogue and pacing.

Ths movie makes me want to watch more Bette Davis movies and hope they're all Five Star like this'n.

27. High Noon (1952) - Well, that confirms that, westerns and I do not mix. I have never been more bored than trying to watch this. Yes, I'm aware it's an allegory for the HUAC & McCarthyism and stuff. Yes, I read Wikipedia, but I still don't care.

26. Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939) - I first saw this not that long ago when I realized I had not seen it. It's hailed as a classic, and with good reason. I went in expecting hokey, and got it. But I also went in expecting some pretty nice drama and got that. There's no choice but to give it Five Stars, if only for the awesome filibuster scene.

25. To Kill a Mockingbird (1962) - I love this movie, despite its flaws. Mostly I think I love the book, which watching the movie always makes me want to watch. The book just has so much more in it. The movie, though, does a good job of excising the stuff in a way that it's not missed by anyone who didn't read first. Five Stars.

24. E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial (1982) - The first movie I ever saw. And of course I will only watch the original guns not walkie talkies version. For years and years and years I still cried when E.T. died. I actually find it annoying to think of the movie as a Christ allegory, but facts is facts. This movie will be Five Stars in my book until the day I die all old and dessicated.

23. The Grapes of Wrath (1940) - Let's begin with another confession. I, somehow, have never read The Grapes of Wrath (nor seen the movie before now). It was always a "why bother, you'll read it in a classroom eventually" type of book, but then my life happened and I somehow missed it (twice) as an assignment. Now, I'm not a complete clod, I know who Tom Joad is and I know the struggles of the Joad family and I can recognize a parody of the whole thing, I've just never gotten to it. ALL THAT SAD; now that I've watched it, I do want to read the book. The ending is supposed to be much more depressing, and you know I'm into that. The movie? Four Stars. Kinda slowish at times.

22. Some Like It Hot (1959) - Watched this the first time only because Marilyn Monroe was in it and I was going through a Marilyn phase of sorts. I'd heard it was funny, but didn't expect it to stop my breathing. The last line in this movie is possibly the funniest thing ever put on to film.

21. Chinatown (1974) - Neo or not, this is the first piece of noir I'd ever watched. It's simply brilliant, if hard to follow for those who don't actually pay attention. When you do, though, the Five Stars state is apparent.

20. It's A Wonderful Life (1946) - Five Stars. Simply the best "holiday" movie I've ever seen (it feels weird to watch it between January and November, doesn't it?). For a movie that's like 90% depressing, it's a damn fine pick-up by the end.

19. On the Waterfront (1954) - I don't know what to give this movie. The performances are solid (Brando, man) but only about half of the movie's plot isn't ho him. It could easily have been my state of mind at the time, I wasn't really feeling my best, but the movie I say was Three Stars tops.

18. The General (1926) - I have never not laughed at Buster Keaton, but before I started this I realized for the first time I have also never not seen an entire movie of his. Mostly shorts and clips & such, and not 10 minutes in I began to wonder if perhaps it would grow old quick. It did not. Between hilarious gags and a somewhat decent story, I actually enjoyed this immensely. Five Stars easy, but one question does pop up for me; when was the last time you saw a civil war era movie where the south were the heroes?

17. The Graduate (1967) - I have a really f'd up history with this movie. Every time I've attempted to watch it in the past, something has interrupted or otherwise stopped me. And one time, for some reason, I started watching it with a music free audio track and didn't notice. Even this time, the first time I watched it I fell asleep. It's weird. BUT! I powered through this time and found, holy carp, it's an enjoyable movie. What is funny is how it could never be remade today. Most of the "shocking" plot points are ho-hum these days. Affairs? Old/young? A child out of wedlock?! Aaaaaanyway, Three Stars for the movie, but I still don't understand the Mrs. Robinson song. No idea.

16. Sunset Blvd (1950) - There is nothing about this movie I do not like. Seriously. I'm upset that there was a stage-musical that I never got to see. This is the first movie I'd ever seen that messes with time (starting with your lead male dead? nice) an it blew my mind that someone had even thought of that. Five Stars for one of my favourite movies of all time.

15. 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) - I've never known what to think of this movie. There are two camps, it seems. People either think this is the single greatest piece of science-fiction (or SyFy) ever lensed, or they think it's ungodly boring. I fall solidly into the second camp. No stars because I only made it to about the halfway point.

14. Psycho (1960) - Do I have to tell you about this movie? Sure, it too suffers from a bit of aging (the opening is much less scandalous now, Mother is less scary, the detective's tumble down the stairs is a bit goofy looking now), but it's not really about those things, is it? It's about crazy Norman and the hunt for Marion. And it's played out brilliantly. Five Stars and if you disagree I hate you. To be frank, I'm shocked there's so little Hitchcock on this list.

13. Star Wars* (1977) - Whiny main character, bad effects, plot holes (but that's the series, which the fans hate.) *sigh* what's not to love. I can't wait to sit the fiancee in front of it to watch it for real so she can see the Five Star entertainment.

12. The Searchers (1956) - I don't know what I feel about this movie. It's a western, so I was expecting to get bored and be done with it before it finished, but it actually held my attention the whole way through. On the other hand, a big part of the reason for that was that it was so incredibly racist and I wanted to see where it went next. Not to mention, according to every article in the world about kids kidnapped by Indians, inaccurate about how she would respond to an attempted rescue. The whole movie is like one long excuse to hate Natives and justify it. I can't rate it.

11. City Lights (1931) - I'm not sure what to think of this either. Right after t started I nearly switched it off because a bunch of characters were "talking" like adults in Peanuts cartoons. (silent movie with music, instruments were used to approximate voice sounds with no words) I powered through, though, and that cut out and an actual movie happened. Funny, funny gags, but I really don't get how it's #1 in Romantic-Comedies. There's very little of the romance and it's spread thin. In fact, the romance could easily be replaced with The Tramp's affection with another kid he sees between getting trashed with the millionaire. Three Stars on principle, I guess, but there's so many other Chaplin flicks I'd rather watch,

10. The Wizard of Oz (1939) - The sister's favourite movie. Loves it, she does. So I've seen it 10 bazillion times and purchased her approximately 90 copies for various gift giving occasions. I have to say, I truly enjoy it, though. The transition from sepia to colour hooked me as a kid, and having read the book (some of the books) now I have to say they captured most of the spirit of the thing, if not the entire plot. (Also good, the recent Marvel comic series). Five Stars, and not even only for sentimental reasons.

9. Vertigo (1958) - Wow. One of my favourite Hitch-flicks knocks me on my ass every time. When Scottie reveals that he figured everything out after seeing the necklace is such an awesome Explanation-Scene that they should have been renamed in Vertigo's honor. Five Stars is not enough for this movie.

8. Schindler's List (1993) - This movie...god this movie. I'd seen it twice before this viewing, vowing ater both I would never watch it again. It's painful and depressing and just too much. Five Stars and this time I'm never watching it again for real.

7. Lawrence of Arabia (1962) - Isn't this movie British? In, like, every way? I don't know why it's on this list, but I do know it's a damn good lullaby. Maybe I just hate "epics". I don't know. I do know this, too, I didn't finish. No stars

6. Gone with the Wind (1939) - And another one. What the hell? Even realizing the era it's set in I just can not take this movie. Every time a character darker than a sheer of notebook paper opens their mouth I either cringed (chicken chasing) or was filled with rage (everything Hattie McDaniel did). I'm not oversensitive, I don't think. I can forgive some things as being products of their era. Hell, I Love Lucy is one of my favourite TV shows and the only few black characters are the racist porter stereotype when they're in LA and I love those episodes. I can read Eisner's The Spirit even with Ebony White looking like a monkey and talking da jibe talk. But this movie just pissed me off. It should be noted I couldn't watch The Jazz Singer either.

5. Singin' in the Rain (1952) - I can not explain how much I love this movie–and how shocked by that even I was. I avoided this movie for years just because I thought the plot was ridiculous, and as a musical? Bah. I did not expect it to be fucking hilarious. Five Stars may not be enough considering the singing/dancing, humor, drama, and love story.

4. Raging Bull (1980) - And here's a little hypocrisy. Some of the first lines of dialogue in this movie are Joe Pesci yelling about moulinyans (as seems to be his wont) but god DAMN this is a fine movie. Brilliant, brilliant performance by Robert De Niro especially. Pesci & Cathy Moriarty ain't half bad, either. Scorsese's best film by a long shot. Five stars despite airy punches.

3. Casablanca (1942) - Oft called the most romantic movie ever. Hard to fight with. Not many, then or especially now, had or have the guts to end a movie in such a way. Even though you want it to go one way it HAS to go the other. Five Stars even with the myriad flaws

2. The Godfather (1972) - It's still not as good as II. II is amazing. But ya know what? The end (everything from the baptism to the credits) is about the best ending in the history of film. Five Stars, but that means II gets like...another 1/4 of a star.

1. Citizen Kane (1941) - Best. Greatest. Most amazing film ever. The first time I saw it I ended up watching it at least once a week for about two months. It still enraptures me when I watch. There's a scene in an episode of The Sopranos where Carmella & the girls watch it (doing what I just finished in reverse, as a matter of fact) and after are bored. This scene just bothered the hell out of me. I don't know how anyone can watch it and come to any such conclusion. Five Stars cos I can't give it ten. And, no, there's no "error" with the last words getting out; the majordomo is there.

Let me tell you something, brother, friend.

2009-09-22T09:40:00.000-07:00

I hate my family. Have I ever mentioned that? I do. I mean, I love them and all, but I hate them too. Not to bitch and complain but I'm very much a second class citizen in my own home and I'm quite sick of it.

But that's not what I came to blog. I'm not looking for pity points. No, I came to talk about the start of the 100 movies project. I said I'd start soon after the ~~girlfriend~~ ^fiancee left and I'm doing just that. While she was here we watched(ish) one of the worst movies I've ever seen, the Oz made "Houseboat Horror" (I remember very little about it) and, the day after she left, I mucked with my Netflix list and moved #95 The Last Picture Show (1971) #97 Blade Runner (1982) (Final Cut version) and #98 Yankee Doodle Dandy (1942) to the top of the queue. I already own #96 Do The Right Thing (1989) and #99 Toy Story (1995) while #100 Ben-Hur (1959) is available for Netflix Streaming. So, I guess I can start today or tonight or something. I'm considering one line reviews and star ratings (as considering it's the "best American movies of all time" list), so we'll see how that goes.

Not enough

2009-09-19T19:33:00.000-07:00

I still live. I exist. I'm even conscious sometimes. I've been a tad distracted these last two weeks.

I got a woman, my Awesome Aussie, and I got her into my life for a few days. Nearly two entire weeks of me and she left little room for...anything else. Two weeks, felt like two years, felt like two minutes. And now she's there and I'm here and that's about the opposite of what I want.

During her visit (vacation, not holiday!) we did do a thing. A thing I was expecting but not expecting. I asked her if she would be mine forever, she said yes. I asked her again and again, and she said yes and yes, and eventually we picked her out a ring and made it official. Carolyn and myself have decided that, yes, we will be getting married. When? How? Where will we live? I. Don't. Know. But it's going to happen because it has to happen. It's ~5 years in the making at this point.

So that's been my two weeks. No, I won't lay out a blow by blow of everything we did (Aquarium, Brookfield Zoo, Deep Dish pizza), suffice it to say we had an amazing, amazing time.

You can not vacation in a mental ward.

2009-09-03T07:34:00.000-07:00

This morning I was watching a rather neat video series (two so far) on YouTube about disbelief in god. Specifically someone's "deconversion". Observe:

It got me to thinking about my own "deconversion" (not sure I'm happy with this word) and all the who, what, where of it. I'd make a video, but I'm both lazy and lacking an awesome PBS accent, so, ya know, no. This'll have to suffice.

In the last post I guessed I'd given up the whole god thing around the age of seven. It didn't sound exactly right, but it did sound close. Since then I've watched the Tyson documentary and, aligning some stuff in his life (mainly the rape arrest and everything surrounding it) it seems I was actually between nine and ten. I remember vividly being in our church, St. Bethel Baptist (there's a guy changing his tires on the Google map view and listening to the...reverend maybe, admonish the congregation for gossiping about it. That would be all well and good, but then he proceeded to stand up for the accused and, paraphrasing, say she shouldn't have been there that late anyway and it's not like anyone but the two of them have a clue what actually went on in that room. I sat, listening to him talk, and was thinking along the lines "that...doesn't sound right. Not for church. You don't spend half your monologue on celebrity news and you CERTAINLY don't come down on the side of an accused rapist, innocent until proven guilty notwithstanding."

Now, in all fairness, I'd been doing some questioning to that point but it was what I thought was normal questioning. Why do bad things happen to good people (with examples), did Hitler go to heaven if he repented. My biggie I had been turning over in my head for a month or so after hearing someone, talking about a missionary trip, say that anyone who hadn't heard the word of Jesus they couldn't go to heaven. I was nine years old and at an age where I was reading about, you know, tribes and stuff. Regular people in where ever they were (South American rain forests, African jungles) that get to go to hell because no one dropped a bible from a plane into their village like The Gods Must Be Crazy. I couldn't make that make sense, and when I asked in Sunday School I was met with 'well, that's just why we help'.

Anyway, I dutifully kept going, kept amassing questions, and at one point just stopped asking others for answers. I also joined one of the choirs. Not the one that sang in the church, but the kids choir that traveled to other churches. Over the summer I was at someone's house for a while (honestly can't remember) and was signed up, without being asked, for a church thing that involved being picked up on a bus and bribed with candy to memorize verses and sing terrible Jesus songs (I want to fight in the infantry...). I hated every single second of it and only went once.

Now comes Easter. The story of Easter I didn't really have a problem with. The bunnies and eggs I didn't understand. Now I do, but that took some books and some sparks of logic. Still that Easter weekend went moreorless like this:

Friday; Sister and I were dropped off at father's house for the weekend. It was his turn. The rest of that night doesn't really apply.

Saturday; I don't remember the specifics, but I remember having a really good day. Then at the end of the day deciding I had no interest in going to church Sunday. I think we'd skipped something at the church on Saturday. Like a picnic or something.

Sunday; I fought going to church, I rolled my eyes and fidgeted through the whole service. When church broke up the sister went home with the mother, for some reason I went back to my dad's house. I think I'd left something and had to find it. Thinking about it now I honestly think it was a Mad Magazine. Anyway, he decided to make breakfast instead of fly me straight home and, while we ate, I just blurted out "I don't believe in god. There's no such thing." To his credit, he took it extremely well. He taught me the word atheist, in fact, and just said it was cool.

When he finally took me home I remember still being pissed as sister ran through the house and snatched up all the eggs that she'd already seen. I still didn't tell my mother, in fact I still don't think I've said the words to her. But I never tried to hide it, though. I stopped saying 'under god' in the pledge.

I wanted to read books, but there weren't any for my age and what I did find was way over my head. It wasn't very long, though, until I found out how many holidays are derived from older, "pagan" religions. It was the type of thing you want to tell everyone you know, probably with an air of smug superiority. When I tried, though, most people just didn't care. I still don't understand that. It wasn't until later that I learned of things like Zoroaster and Hercules and Horus, how their origin and life stories parallel Jesus' nearly exactly and the entire Christ as myth theory. Again, when you first learn it you want to tell everyone, and again they didn't care.

I was quiet about my (lack of) beliefs for quite a bit. When you mentioned atheism some people reacted too negatively and seemingly just because that's what they felt they were supposed to do. Flock the lost sheep or some such. Just a few years ago the growth of atheism in the public eye made it much easier to be me in public. To buy and wear (and lose) a Scarlet Letter pin from Richard Dawkins and wear it as prominently as possible. Even on my scarlet letter shirt. Double your atheism.

It's caused troubles. I've gotten into screaming matches with door knockers, and I have to sit and watch the sister take the nephew to church, hoping that once he's older I can sit him down and at least give him the choices I had to find on my own. But that's another post for another day.

Am I talking to you or am I listening to him?

2009-09-01T18:00:00.000-07:00

I've been wondering, recently, who and what exactly I am. How to define myself. What my place actually is in the world. In truth, I don't have answers for those questions.

I think the easiest thing to do, the easiest place to start, is by asking how I would describe myself to others–physically, mentally, spiritually, the whole magilla.

Who, me? Uh, well, I'm like 5', somewhere north of 150lbs but I don't know what. Both are traceable to the X-Linked Hypophosphatemic Rickets (XLH), the former directly the second indirectly. Being mulatto I look black at a glance. Have black hair (racially and in colour). Hmmm...my hair goes from shorn to totally messy. I'd rather not discuss my mouth, but my legs are both littered with scars. In a little more physical detail; my eyes are brown, my nose is broad, and my hands are large. Different people say my feet are either huge or small. My fingernails always need cutting, toenails are thick, and ears? By god my ears are always in need of a q-tip. That's about the long and short of me physically.

I've been an Atheist since the question of the existence of a god even popped into my head. This, believe it or not, was around the age 7 and I swear happened on Easter. Only recently have I started to become vocal about it.

Lesse, lesse. I'm an admitted giant loser. Even a bit proud of it. Comic books nearly every week–especially DC, big ol' DC mark–even going to a comic book club discussion meeting whenever I can (shocking how busy I am on the last Sunday of a month considering I never do anything). Combined with the comics, I'm a life long pro rasslin' fan, though I've had to stop watching (new) WWE television for the past month or two. TNA is good though. I watch entirely too much television and have way too many DVDs, both legal and not. It's common to find me deciding to marathon a season (or more) of any single TV series.

Just recently it has come to my attention that love exists and I am in it. The girlfriend lives an entire planet away...for now... For now.

Despite that happiness, I often find myself hating my life. Hating the fact that the XLH causes me to be in constant pain. That it precludes me from most jobs. In a few months I'll re-start doing what I've done for the last two years: work from home job with the IRS wherein I take people's orders for tax forms and books. Nothing makes you depressed about the state of humanity than talking to the general public. No joke. Were it at all possible I've had numerous small business type ideas. Things I'm fairly certain would work. Including my favourite fantasy of all time: owning a used bookstore. Problem is, it's not. Anyway, this all leads to the fact that I still live "at home" at 27, with little chance of leaving. Being in such proximity to so much family (+ sister, + 3-year-old nephew) naturally means I want to strangle the lot of them quite often.

My favourite place in the world is Brookfield Zoo. Constantly ranked as one of the best in the country (if not the world). Suckily enough it's currently undergoing quite a bit of construction so a large chunk of it is blocked off so they can set up a new bear(?) enclosure. Also a big fan of the Shedd Aquarium. Just a lovely place. Also recently undergone/currently undergoing some construction. It's a bad season to lounge in the city.

But that's off-track. I've run out of things to say about me.

Some of them want to use you

2009-08-31T20:42:00.000-07:00

I have decided that Video On Demand is the single greatest invention in the history of mankind. Not only do I, for $8 a month, get just oodles of variable quality rasslin, but between free movies and the movies provided by Encore (which is also free on my cable for some reason) there is a handful of excellent movies (currently, to name three: Ghostbusters, Lolita, Roger Rabbit) and excellently bad movies (I'm watching The Great White Hype this second).

I must admit, I have a problem. I'm an addict. I can't not throw on a random movie when I'm doing...whatever... Many nights I need noise to sleep, and the worst movie possible is a beautiful time waster. I can't even count the number of times I've fallen asleep before a movie is out of it's first act, then have to struggle with the question of whether or not to watch the whole thing the next day.

I'm very fascinating.

You can't just barge in here making demands!

2009-08-28T20:55:00.001-07:00

I hate my medication. Hate it hate it hate it. Currently I take something like five different type of pill a day, plus a powder mixed into water–when I remember to take the bulk of them. They're all on their own schedule (every 4 hours, every 6, twice a day, three times, etc) and as a result whenever I have to go anywhere for any amount of time I have to take a travel kit (read: an empty pill bottle with a smattering of random pills inside) with me.

For the longest time I had every medication's schedule set in my phone, each with a different alarm sound, guaranteeing I pissed of anyone around me every few hours. Now, I don't even bother because I don't even care. In truth, the only thing I make sure I take are the painkillers, because without I end up in a whimpering heap on the floor cursing the day I was born. Not that that doesn't happen with some regularity when I do take the pills.

The other medications are supposed to help with the pain; I get them from the pain clinic after all, but I swear they don't do anything no matter how punctual or how judicious I am with the schedule. It's just a matter of having odd pain, so I deal with it.

On top of that I've got what amounts to special vitamins. Potassium phosphate and Vitamin D which, oddly enough, if I take too much can cause kidney stones. Ever had a kidney stone? Well I haven't and I don't want to.

Nonetheless, the worst thing is actually the stuff I make sure I never miss. Time release morphine & another, powerful, painkiller. When I take the painkiller too much (always) it can make me irritable and sometimes sweaty (plus side effects I'm not talking about in public), when I'm late on a dose of the morphine I, in the blink of an eye, get freakin' EXHAUSTED. It sucks. Hell, there's even side effects to the powder (again, not that I'm talking about in public) that just piss. me. off.

But there's nothing that can be done about much of it. I'm headed to the doctor Friday. The doctor who already tried to swap one medication and failed because he's an asshole. Think I'll try and get him to swap a second, see what happens. I do not hold out much hope, however.

We fight...with JAZZ!

2009-08-25T06:48:00.000-07:00

Know what I'm sick of on these wild woolly internets? I'm sick to death of racism for the lulz.

I'm convinced it's all 14-year-old middle class white kids. They never actually interact with "niggers" and the ones they do, they wouldn't dare tell their hilarious jokes to. This is the worst meme ever.

There's a popular picture going around, a college class with all of the students using Macs. It was then 4chan'd with arrows at two black people and the legend "black, so doesn't get one", except for the black girl with one which bore the legend "stolen". Lovely. Hilarious. Something you should certainly be proud of.

I actually remember when this garbage was in it's infancy. It was years ago (depressing in and of itself) and, in the course of spending all my time on one message board, one cat thought it would be hilarious to play the racist idiot gimmick. He played it to a tee, but no one liked it and eventually he was the outcast. Guess he was ahead of his time.

The anonymity of the internet allows idiots to be morons without worry someone is going to punch them in the face. All we can hope is that someone slips and tries fo be hahalarious in public and gets what they deserve.

fuck Michael Jackson

2009-08-22T15:27:00.000-07:00

I hate my god damn neighbors. Hate them. And it's not even one house of people I hate, it's three. With a severe dislike for some of the other people on the street.

Is it just me, you ask? Is my giant assholeishness colouring my vision? Well let's see:

The people behind me, at least once a month (sometimes more), spend an entire day blasting stereos. BLASTING. Now, I'll concede that with my bedroom being in the back of the house closest to them I get more of it that anyone else, but having left the house on these days I know for a fact that their trash can be heard for blocks. Today they started with music I can't name other than saying if you search Google for 'craptastic music' it'll probably come up on I'm Feeling Lucky. After that some 'Peanut Butter Jelly Time' (I am not kidding) and, currently, a super Michael Jackson playlist of unending horror. It's killing me.

The rest of the time? They have their yappy dogs outside constantly, who come up to the fence and torment my yappy dog and the bark off begins until I force mine into the house. And when it's not the yappy dogs it's the yelly kids. The type who come up to the fence then run away screaming because 'THEY HAVE BIG DOGS!'

They're really bad on occasion, with minor annoyances daily, but but it's the people to the east who are worse on a daily basis. Yes, they too blast music on occasion but it seems to be kept to holidays. No, their problem is that they have a dog they do not take care of. He spends the day and night tied to a tree which, shockingly, leads him to barking nights for attention he does not ever receive. And he's not a yappy dog, he's a giant dog that sounds like he's 100' tall when he barks.

The people across the street? Just generic assholes. There's about 100 people in the house, it seems. The teens-20somethings randomly take out a basketball hoop and put it in the street, driving my dogs nuts. Plus the patriarch is all overly friendly. But that's just a me thing. I have no reason to say 'hi' every time I frakkin see you.

The police have been called on both the people behind and to the east of me. A noise complaint just today did absolutely nothing. The music didn't even lower for a short time. Loud loud loud. I'm giving them until 8 to cut the shit before I call again, though. The people to the east have had the humane society at their place, but so far nothing has come of it. They were just there a few days ago, though.

The people to the west, you may ask? Actually decent people. They, like me, keep to themselves. They have a dog, but when he gets to barking at my dog and starting a war both he and I are quick to break it up so as not to annoy the hell out of the neighborhood. Good. Guy.

it's like, you know, whatever

2009-08-21T15:49:00.000-07:00

I am not good at shop.

I hate shopping. Love spending money (often that I don't have) but I suck at shopping. If there are two things I want but I can only afford one, surely I will purchase the one that it turns out sucks. If there are two similar things, I will blindly purchase the wrong one.

Just today I purchased an air freshener. Glade. I needed one, it was one of many on a shelf for $10. I looked it over and stuck it in my bag to take to the register, got home and realized it's the type that needs a fan. I'm almost 100% certain the others did not. I purchased a candy bar, unknowing it contains mint (mmm, chocolate toothpaste). Ordered two figures from the comic shop instead of eBay about a month ago, still haven't gotten one of them.

Peter...Rabbit

2009-08-18T19:20:00.000-07:00

I'm old. At 27, somehow, I have become incredibly old and out of touch with what I guess would be my generation. I have no idea what is "cool" these days. I don't know dick about a T-Pain, I think Kanya West and Lil Wayne are crap, and I haven't listened to a radio station in ages. I don't find Seth Rogan, Will Ferell, or 98% of The Lonely Island funny. Commercials for the big summer big catch-phrase fest movies leave me cold and depressed. I can't even care about my past passion of wrestling (or at least WWEs wrestling) because it's now being written for people I hate.

This is the kind of thing that's supposed to happen when I'm 40, at which point I buy a sports car and try to cheat on my wife, all the while cranking up the new cool thing and acting like I "get it".

In fact, not only do I not get today's...everything...I'm disturbed by how my generation is being shined and polished and resold to the next. You can enter a Toys R Us right now and it's full of updated versions of everything that existed when I was a kid. It's sad.

I think maybe you feel the same. What can we do?

2009-08-16T19:39:00.000-07:00

I had a weird, weird day. I had no plans (shhhhhhocking) and the family did...stuff outside of the house. I honestly don't remember what. Church -> something -> gone all day. So I spent the day watching movies with RiffTrax and reading and playing with the dogs, then watching a pretty decent PPV. It was awesome.

I'm still reading Mildred Pierce, not even half way done with it (Ray just died, poor girl) after a week. I keep reading a paragraph or a page, then accidentally reading it again. If I didn't know better I'd think I wasn't enjoying it, but that's simply not true. I haven't had to renew a library book in forever, but I'm going to have to this time. It has been suggested that my Awesome Aussie girlfriend may be the reason my reading skills have suffered of late, and though I'm not 100% prepared to blame her, I'm not 100% ready to let her off the hook. Damn womens.

Anyways, the new layout kinda sucks. I snatched a layout from a place and replaced all the pictures with this paper theme, but I'm not entirely happy with how it turned out. I'm not really sure what I want, though. I'm still fuxing with the colours and stuff, but I may trash the whole thing for something really streamlined and simple. And I need blogs for the blogroll, so if yours isn't listed you should remind me of the URL because I'm not smart.

What will be the basis of your lecture?

2009-08-15T20:45:00.000-07:00

We're going to be recovering ground already covered here, but in a way that's the point.

I'm a boring person. Very, very. Despite what some people insist on arguing, it's true.

I spent yesterday and today re-watching the first four seasons of Weeds–I'll likely watch what of five there is tomorrow. That's what I do. That's what I am. That's what's fun to me. Reading, watching, doing, the same crap over and over again. That's why I'd rather spend any given Saturday at the same zoo looking at the same animals not do anything. Example: right this second I'm watching Boyz N The Hood on onDemand. I have to be in triple digits on seeing this, and still I chose it over something I haven't seen.

There's a 2 Skinnee J's song (yes, I have questionable taste in music, that's another post) Who Want's This? that goes: Now who wants the same shit from Monday to Sunday // Some may, but some way, it's gonna stop some day. Every single time I listen to the song (which, as we've established, is many) I think to myself "that sounds like heaven".

Of course I'm not speaking of daily work type drudgeries, just the "who needs new stuff" type of thing. I could listen to the same handful of musicians every day. Which, of course, leads to pop-culture problems. I had no idea who Lady Gaga was until about a month ago. I'm still unclear on the concept of a Katy Perry. And the only thing I know about the Jonas Brothers I learned from South Park. To be fair, all I know about Australia I learned from The Simpsons.

That's me, in love with the boring and totally against anything new. I'll only experience "new" when it's old to everyone else.

I want to, but I can't.

2009-08-14T20:37:00.000-07:00

I didn't post yesterday, my first miss since I opened this here thing. That isn't the same thing as saying I didn't write something and decide against posting it. Half way through it I decided it was not fit for public consumption. I finished it anyway. Reread it. Trashed it. On the plus side, I didn't bother with editing.

It brings up an interesting question, though. How personal is too personal on a public blog? Anyone reading this already knows (just about) everything about me, so it's not like I fear a big reveal or anything that'll freak people out. Yet I had no doubt that another multi-page ramble about how much I dislike myself, capped by how much I love the girlfriend.

I had a different post planned for today. Something pseudo-personal. I may write it up tomorrow, so I won't tip my cards just yet. It's semi-dirty, so that'll be fun for...me and no one else. But that's the important part, innit? Anyway, I decided to hang on to that yet, but as I was deciding that I wondered about doing one that confronts all the 'too personal' stuff. All revealy and you never would have guessed. The problem with that, though, was I only had a few reveals and truly they weren't that great. Perhaps I can develop that more, yet.

And, yes, I'm aware of the ramble ramble nature of this post, but right now I'm feeling quite the anti-stoned. I haven't taken my painkillers–though I did get all four of my phosphates–so I'm feeling that need to take them. In fact, let's call this over.

That's all the people need to know!

2009-08-12T17:50:00.000-07:00

Today was another really shitty pain day. I had specific plans, too.

I need to re-shelf some books (read: comic trades), finish the last story of Mad Love (and other stories)–I'm to the one with The Demon & Ra's Al Ghul–hit the comic store and hunt the internets for prices on a thing. I was also going to actually take time and find or make a workable theme for this thing. Instead I spent the day rubbing generic WalMart "Muscle Rub" into my legs and being unable to understand sentences composed in basic English.

At some point I had to watch the kid, and even though I think he watches too damn much TV already I had to sit him in front of some Thundercats to keep him from trying to make me do anything requiring thought or participation on my part.

Right now it's about 8pm and I'm already considering going to bed just to not have to deal with this.

(I totally don't mean to make all of these whining and bitching. Tomorrow's shouldn't be.)

crankypants suit

2009-08-11T19:55:00.000-07:00

I'm boring. I think I've mentioned that before. If my life were a musical, the leitmotif would be a song called Boring and would play under every scene.

I don't like new things. For example, I watched the first episode of South Park's Imaginationland trilogy like 4 times this week. Now, to be fair, I rewatched it because I kept falling asleep before it was over, but that doesn't explain why I then watched the other episodes available for free via onDemand.

No, I re-watch things constantly. I have tons of...less than legal...DVDs, yet I still watch the same few things repeatedly. When I dig something new out it's cause for celebration.

Want to know my perfect weekend? Marathoned TV show DVDs and the occasional slice of pizza. That's how I roll, bitches. I once watched the same episode of The Colbert Report three times in one day.

Fuck change.

Today sucked

2009-08-10T21:08:00.000-07:00

Today sucked and I'm tired. I spent half my day in hospital waiting rooms or empty exam rooms looking for the doctor out the door for the doctor. When I finally saw them they proceeded to waste time by asking the same questions over and bloody over.

That doesn't even count the lab, where I had to explain that I was taking home part of the test repeatedly. Then my blood was taken by the jesus freak, which is ALWAYS fun. Nothing like being blessed repeatedly and having to stare at signs saying "The Lord is Always Good" or somesuch.

It would all be something like forgivable if Doctor #1 had given me a script I could USE, but no, none of the drugstores have what I need. I get to call him back, likely to find out he's not in, tomorrow and wonder what to do.

Today sucked and I'm tired.

Shhhh...

2009-08-09T17:43:00.000-07:00

I'm a very boring person. As a result, I have nothing to ramble about today.

It's actually a recurring problem in my life. My boringness leads to a lot of silence on my part. I can sit in a room with you for hours and say almost nothing--answering you with grunts, chuckles, and eyebrow raises. It's not that I don't like you, it's just that I'm a quiet cat.

For example, just today I dined at a restaurant with the family and don't think I said more than three sentences. To be fair, though, I'm quite the fifth wheel when hanging out with the family. Especially of late. Mother, Sister, and nephew are a unit. I'm just along for the ride. But that's now what we're here to discuss.

Being the silent one can have it's own share of problems. I've been accused of snobbery (I have nada to be a snob about) and assholeishness (I am an asshole, but that has nothing to do with being quiet). I've lost a girlfriend or two because they talk and I listen, but don't reply with words.

It's hot it's upsides, though. I'm a good listener...when I care. Throughout high school I was the go-to "call and cry" dude when friends had problems. I actually became quite adept at helping out with problems. That's a plus.

So, yeah, I've got nothing to blog about today.

The centre can not hold.

2009-08-08T17:55:00.000-07:00

I hate driving. Hate it. If it were up to me I would never drive anywhere. I can't wait for teleportation to be invented. Stupid Heisenberg.

I can't explain it, but I'm fairly sure I'm going to die in a car accident. I've only been in one car accident (while driving) in my life. It was entirely my fault, I was working nights, only sleeping >3 hours a night and drove to work some hour+ away and fell asleep behind the wheel. I already knew I habitually get "sleepy" while in cars (like a toddler) unless I'm 110% awake, and looking back on that day I can remember falling asleep for tiny moments before the accident. Nonetheless, I slammed the car into the car in front of me. Strangely enough, the car I was driving was totaled while the car I hit suffered but a few scratches. Good thing we were insured.

I honestly only ever drive anywhere an average of once a week, and that's a ~20 drive to buy comic books and back. Occasionally I'll take a slightly longer drive to the bookstore. Always on the same routes. It's not that I'm afraid to drive, I just don't like it. Although occasionally I feel like two lane roads aren't wide enough. But I've never done that thing where you freak out at oncoming traffic and swerve off your side of the road.

Don't read this, it's mushy

2009-08-07T08:38:00.000-07:00

I love my girlfriend. Deeply. My Awesome Aussie. My gorgeous girl.

I don't believe in a god, haven't since a very young–almost unbelievably young–age. Nonetheless, talking to her makes me think we were somehow made for each other. I've never believed in soul mates, but now I'm not so sure.

She's coming to visit me, for ~two weeks about a month from now (30 days, ~4 hours until her plane lands according to my Facebook countdown) and I'm elated. You'd think there would be nerves, no? The first time actually being in the same room. Her staying here instead of a hotel. But, honestly, no. I just can't wait.

During her time here, aside from simply being together, she intends to drag me on touristy things, so I could possibly die from sun exposure. Brookfield Zoo, I think. Millennium Park. We've also got a date to drive to Indiana and play Rock Band with the maddest of the Mups.

Then she leaves me. Come March I I'm planning to spend some time with her. Timed to coincide with an Australian Comedy Fest thing.

If I let her leave here and don't kidnap her, that is.

I love my girlfriend. She's amazing. It took years for the two of us to realize what was in front of us, but it was worth it.

Cross the Line

2009-08-06T18:40:00.000-07:00

It's dawned on me that people may not know exactly what XLH is. How it works, what it does, et cetera. So I thought I'd explain...to the best of my knowledge as someone who has had it for 27 years.

To begin with, either at or just after (or possibly before, I honestly don't know) I was diagnosed with X-Linked Hypophosphatemic Rickets. Let's break that down. Backwards.

Rickets is the underlying condition. All of the suck goes right back to the Rickets. According to wiki, a softening of bones in children potentially leading to fractures and deformity. That seems pretty simple, until you realize "deformity" means things like bowing (bow leggedness, bones grow like, well, parenthesis). It's a terrible, terrible thing because it makes walking difficult and puts extra pressure on the joints.

Hypophosphatemia is a big science word that means "Vitamin D resistant". My body so rejects Vitamin D that I could take pills and medications and drink milk fortified in it all day and all I would do is piss something like 90% of it straight out. Of late there have been stories on the news about all the amazing things Vitamin D does for the body and how kids are deficient because they sit inside and when they go out they slather on sun block (really?) so they don't get it from the sun. It helps your kidneys, helps calcium absorption (something I need), helps your immune system, pretty much it keeps you from falling apart. And I don't accept it. Lovely.

X-Linked, well X-Linked can be confusing. For years I was told it simply meant the disease switches sexes every generation. As it turns out it's more complicated than that. Nonetheless, according to doctors, it does mean any daughters I had would almost certainly have it and any sons would have a chance. Good thing I have 0 interest in ever having children.

Now, when you grow up and stop being a child (which I expect to do any day now) the disease stops being called Rickets and starts being called Osteomalacia. The name change means nothing.

So, what exactly does the disease do you ask? Well, it gives me weak bones, especially in the legs. It also has an effect on some people's ribs (not mine, I've only heard this) and teeth (mine) so that even if you brush daily you look like you have meth mouth.

Let's talk legs. My legs suck. Hard. Every doctor I've ever had has told me I've got the worst case of XLH they've ever seen, but just a quick summary: I'm in constant pain. I take time release morphine every 6 hours and have a bottle of quite powerful painkillers for "breakthrough" pain, which doesn't "breakthrough" because I'm in constant pain. And I'm not talking a little throb, a little shooting, I'm talking constant "8-10" on the "rate your pain" scale. Because of the out and out crapiness of my legs walking long distances can be a bitch, so I have a wheelchair for anything major. And even that can be a pain, so I tend to rent electric ones at things like zoos. I know I look/sound like one of those lazy people that just doesn't want to walk, but I swear, good reason. If I tried to walk the zoo I would die. Or at least be in bed in tears the next day.

Speaking of, I've been sent to physical therapy more times than I can count, the same thing happens every time, the physical exertion on Monday destroys me for the rest of the week. I've been on crutches for ~10 years now. You'd think I'd have a sculpted upper body instead of looking like a half deflated balloon.

I've been on and off medications to supposedly treat the condition my whole life. Neutra Phos (phopsphates) and Vitamin D pills. Honestly, no matter how many of what I take there's no difference.

This is getting long. I guess that's what happens summing up the thing that has been on your back for almost 30 years. Anything else I were to write would just be unnecessary bitching and whining though, so this is as good a time as any to stop.

2009-08-06T10:52:00.000-07:00

I just spent the morning sifting through piles of books that had accumulated around here divvying them up into things to keep which I may read again and things to stick on Paperback Swap. I've got stuff ranging from a box containing The Hobbit & The Lord of the Rings, Henry Rollins, Star Wars books, One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest, and even cheesy romance books (I didn't buy those, they were given to me to swap).

The problem? I did the culling on my bed and did not think ahead as to where I would keep the books to be traded. Right now there's no place to sit, and unfortunately for him, no room for the little dog to hop on the bed. He's very upset about this.

Since my mother totally sneaks stamps and envelops from work, Paperback Swap is 100% free books for me. Getting rid of trash, increasing my graphic novel collection. Win/win.

My life: exciting.

Brain dump

2009-08-05T07:45:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling good today. In comparison, that is, so how about a nice Brain Dump. Try to follow my mind. Good luck.

Arrested Development was one of the greatest shows ever. If only GOB could have fucked their way out of cancellation.

I'm thinking of buying actual server space and moving this thing. A bit more freedom and a place to host files and images.

I still can't find my copy of Chasing Amy. It's disturbing that it could disappear like that.

Speaking of, I have a whole list of words I just can never spell, disappear among them. Acceptable, anonymous, just a host of them. Even when I spell them right I stare at them thinking it's wrong. I also abuse commas, parenthesis, and dashes. But you knew that.

I just got my July phone bill. Having an Australian girlfriend whom I had to talk to doubled it. Worth every cent. And speaking of money, I'm just about to pre-order Scribblenauts, just not sure if I'll have it mailed or go pick it up. I need a job. Actually, I need a loan from a bank that allows me to open my own business. A second-hand bookstore would be awesome. I don't drink, but I am an asshole, so the whole Black Books scenario is a possibility. If only I had an investor. I'm looking at you, random person with cash reading this.

We need ice.

It's Wednesday, which is almost like Christmas, except that I don't get my gifts until early evening and I have to pay for them. I do so love comics, but I'm considering dropping just about everything Marvel does right now because of a lack of interest. I've always been a DC Fanboy. Looking at my list of what's waiting for me today (from this and last week) I'm realizing I just don't care about the 9 Avengers books and even Black Panther is pretty meh, though there's a new writer coming aboard. The only Marvel stuff I care about seems to be Brubaker helmed; Captain America, Daredevil...Incognito? Not sure if that's on a Marvel imprint and I don't have a copy in front of me. There's some DC stuff worth dropping too–Gotham Sirens, Streets of Gotham–but it's always hard to drop a Bat-book. Perhaps swapping them to Trade Only.

And there's another thing, I need to get back to Paperback Swap and list some books that are just laying around in a big heap. But first I need someone to steal me some envelopes and stamps. I've been doing that for weeks. It's never going to get done.

I think I've decided on the AFI 100 Years...100 Movies. It looks like it'll have more variety. Since I have no life I can probably watch two or even three movies a day. Now I just need to find a time to start, probably after the Awesome Aussie leaves from her two week visit. She claims to want to force me to do touristy things, which is going to seriously cut into my 'sitting around doing jack shit' time. She's worth it, though.

And with that, I'm off to the shower. I'm a tad smelly

unrelenting pulsing and throbbing

2009-08-04T14:51:00.000-07:00

It is about 5pm as I type this and I've just suffered through one of the worst days in a long time. Certainly weeks if not months.

I've been in insane pain since I woke up, and immediately after sending the Awesome Aussie to bed killed all my electronics (laptop, TV) and picked up a book (On Beauty by Zadie Smith, which is taking an extremely long time to read because of shit like today) and tried to ignore the pain. Instead the pain grew and I ended up unable to concentrate on the book. Eventually I shut it, along with my eyes, and–taking deep breaths–tried to make it go away. That and sucking down the Tramadol long before the directions said to.

As one would expect that combination ended up causing me to take multiple 10 minute "naps" (and one long one). I know it looks like I'm just lazy, but that's only part of it. As of now it hurts no less, no matter what I do, which makes me look forward to going to bed tonight, not that I'll be sleeping right away.

Welcome to the world of "the worst case of" XLH any of my doctors I've ever been to have seen.

He's a toon. You can drop anything you want on his head, he'll shake it off.

2009-08-03T18:01:00.000-07:00

I think I'm going to start a project. I haven't latched on to a really good project in a while.

What I think I'm going to do is watch all (or as many as possible) of the movies on one of the AFI's lists. Including rewatching those I've seen a million times (Kane!). The question now becomes which list. I've narrowed it down to either the 10th anniversary 100 Years...100 Movies (PDF) or Top 10 Top 10 (PDF). I'll likely flip a coin to decide.

I also want to watch them in order. Probably ascending order so the movies get better–which means if it's the Top 10 Top 10 I'd be doing all the 10s at a time, I guess. I'm not sure how many I already own, so once I pick a list I'll have to go through it and monkey with my Netflix list.

This could either be fun or turn into torture.

Imaginationland

2009-08-02T08:03:00.000-07:00

This, by the way, isn't the set look of the thing. I'm still looking for a good template (or to use this generator to make one) to get it how I want it. I'm just lazy right now.

Face the Face

2009-08-02T07:31:00.000-07:00

About a month ago, give or take, I joined Facebook. Mostly because the Girlfriend is on it and I follow her around like a puppy. It's the same reason I'm on Plurk (though she wasn't the girlfriend yet, and may not be now if I hadn't, so there's that) and, as mentioned, she's part of the reason I bother doing this.

Before actually joining Facebook I was quite vocal about having no use for it. Now that I'm on it I see I was mostly correct. It'd be different if I actually gave a damn about other people–if I actually used Facebook to catch up with old friends or "Freinded" family as intended–but I've done neither. I won't friend the family I like because that will lead to being found and kept in forced contact with family I simply have no use for. The one's for whom my eyes glaze over when their names are brought up and I simply don't give a shit about on principle. I'm aware that even having members of your family (or at least so many, like an entire side) that you go to lengths to avoid is probably odd, but that's just me.

As for old friends, just a little browsing has turned up my three person high school clique. People I drifted apart from and couldn't be bothered to keep up with when they fell back into my life over the years. Again, I have no interest in reconnecting with these people, no matter how much I loved them years ago. Let the fond memories be the fond memories.

Then there's the problem of having no actual, current, "meatspace" friends. Everyone on my friends list (which numbers a robust ~22, including the creator of a webcomic I don't believe I've spoken to outside of his comments section) I've never been in the same room with. Not a single one of them. Some years ago my life took a turn where the majority of my friends became people I only interacted with through computer monitors. In fact, I've known some of the people on my friends list for >5 years. The thing is, though, I've long considered many of them to be as good if not better friends than anyone I've shared a meal with. Through TCP/IP I've had serious arguments, been consoled and consoled others in bad times, and, in the case of the Girlfriend, fallen in love.

For the majority of the rest of the world, being confronted with the fact that they have no "real" friends and everyone they care about they never met would be shocking and may lead to some self reevaluation, but for me it's been oddly soothing. I still hate facebook for the most part. I still see it as extraneous and pointless and mostly a collection of Flash Games that you have to keep playing to earn points to buy stuff in the game, but the scrabble is fun.

What a maneuver!

2009-08-01T15:34:00.000-07:00

Hello, World?

Why am I doing this? I honestly don't know. Obviously I've been inspired by my Awesome Aussie, for one, but more than that I've kind of wanted a place to rant about nothing. I used to do it elsewhere, but a slow drift took place and that fell off.

I guess it's traditional to do an introduction first posting? To be honest, if you're reading this you know me in some capacity so it seems rather pointless, but who am I to buck tradition.

Who am I? You can call me bd, but my mother calls me ~~asshole~~ Matt.
Who am I? Just this guy, you know. There's nothing particularly remarkable about me, but I seem to have collected a smattering of awesome people who genuinely give a shit if I live or die so that's something.
What is this? What is it's purpose? I don't know just yet. It won't be a daily logging of things that happen, because the only things I do daily are sit on my ass. So we'll see.
Where did the name come from? Moral Orel.
Where did the idea come from? Probably C. with a dash of Mup and a subsong of nostalgia.
When will it update? When the mood strikes.
Why does it exist? I honestly have no clue. Honestly, I give it a month and a half before I forget about it.
How am I going to pull this off? I'm probably not. Do I at least get points for honesty?

And for some details that don't fit into the W questions:
Let's see, I'm nearly 30 but feel like a 15-year-old half the time. Because of my congenital XLH I'm without a job, living with my mother, and in pain a good 90% of the time. Also here, though, is my sister and her kid, the latter of whom is awesome.

Three months ago I would have told you, dear reader, that I foresaw myself living stagnant like this, but just two months ago (almost on the nose) prodding from Dear Angela (link to come once I re-find it. I'm a horrible friend) led to myself and the lovely Carolyn–the Awesome Aussie previously spoken of–admitting to each other long held feelings. Now she's coming to visit me and it's going to cause my head to explode picturing all the things that can (will?) go wrong despite being told to stop it. But this isn't about that.

As you can see, it's really hard for me to describe me.

I'll try to keep politics off the page, which should be easier as I've given up the likes of MSNBC and purely political blogs. Though a post on why could be fertile ground. I'll also try to limit "I hate myself and here's today's top ten reasons why" posts to a few a month. That should make the Girlfriend happy-ish.

And that's me, this, and my intentions. Feel free to return. Or don't.