The Jersey Devil (1x04) - A long, long time ago (I can still remember wh...no) a dude got dragged into the woods of New Jersey while his family watched him changing a tire. TODAY, Mulder has found out that a homeless guy has, also, been dragged into the woods in a somewhat similar manner. Fucking spooky, Spooky. He immediately jumps to the infamous–and real, if anything in cryptozoology can be considered "real"–Jersey Devil. Instead of sciencesciencescienceing, Scully common senses a bit and tells Mulder all the reasons there is no Jersey Devil. Then they go to Atlantic City. We all know who wears the pants and has their name on the door in this relationship.
After, you know, investigatey stuff turns up nothing Scull-dawg goes home for a nephew's birthday party where she hooks up with a divorced dad. Meanwhile, Mulder has traded places with a homeless guy who has claimed to see a thing. Mulder sees a thing. But, in CLASSIC MULDER style, before he can chase it down he's arrested for being belligerent to some cops who are sweeping the area. Mulder confronts the sheriff, whom he's clashed a bit with already, saying the man is so obviously covering up something even if he doesn't know what is it to protect the tourism trade.
Scully's date sucks because the dude isn't me. I'd have treated her right and shown her a good time. Her and her red hair.
Anyway, thing 1 and thing 2 go see an anthropologist who is first dismissive then receptive about everything Mulder says. Someone got rules Cliff's Notes. So now, armed with the scientific opinion of one dude, it's stake out time. No creature but creature artifacts. It's using tools, you guys!
Eventually they (local cops + Mulder) corner our new missing link in a big abandoned building. The very feminine (and kinda hot) creature tackles Mulder to the ground but doesn't hurt him because, according to Mr. Mulder, it's trying to protect it's babies and realized he wasn't trying to hurt her. This despite him clearly being with the guys clearly trying to hurt her. SWAT hurts the "Devil", but she gets away, only to be killed right after being tranqued on Mulder's command for capture. classic. Mulder is pissed, the local cops are relieved.
In mop up Scully confirms that the creatures womb appears to have signs of having given birth. Later there's a dirty baby devil in the woods near a hiking man and boy. At some point that I honestly don't remember Scully is invited on a second date with single-dad-man and turns him down because she's all about the work.
It's an enjoyable episode. One that if you saw it on
Shadows (1x05) - I have a theory about shadows and shadow beings and the word shadow and The X-Files. It leads to suck. We'll cover that again later, unfortunately. For now we have Shadows, episode 6 and third in a string of "really?"
There's a woman who, when she gets upset, causes accidents. Like killing the shit out of two terrorists who tried to rob her at an ATM for some damn reason. Lauren seems to have no control of the things that happen. Like when our intrepid agents car goes bonkers and later has so much electrical energy that the headlights JUST STAY ON OOOOOOOH. Her former boss suicided so she wants to leave her job--and the state it seems. The leftover partner doesn't want her to go because he thinks she knows things she shouldn't. Possibly about the terrorists who tried to rob her. He threatens her, then sends assassins after her (really? escalate much?) but they are killed by the invisible force that is viewable on ATM cameras.
M&S eventually just ask Lauren about the secret terrorist connections and she admits it's all true. Also he killed the boss she liked. Then the living boss tries to kill her, but the dead one saves her. And then she leaves the city. In mop up we get a semi-funny bit where a glass starts to shake and Lauren thinks it's the boss, but it's a truck outside! Easily a skippable episode in all respects.
Ghost in the Machine (1x06) - I fucking love this episode for reasons I don't even fully understand. By today's standards it's ridiculous. Programmer Brad Wilczek built a computer, the COS, as part of his (former) company. After Brad is removed the COS project is slated to be killed, only the now sentient computer decides it would rather live.
Muldawg & Sculldawg are brought in when Mulder's former partner Agent OneEpisode asks him for help on a screwey case of the company's CEO being dead in a weird way. He needs Mulder because he kinda really screwed up a hate crimes case and cost a judge some body parts. Somehow. Mulder Mulders by being the only person to notice that the suit was on the phone when he died, and puts together the parts of an elaborate death trap involving the phone, the sink, and electricity. Since this is all controlled by the COS the building super is asked about who could or would be able to make the computer do the things it did. Right here is a thing, I love the super from the moment he walks on screen. There's no REASON, he's just a coolish guy.
So, the super takes some time and comes back with a list of one name. Brad Wilczek. The agents talk to him and the fun begins when the word hacker is said with reverence and Phone Phreak is spoken like anyone knows what that is. Brad later tries to access the COS from his home system but can't, so he goes to the building where he finds it talking despite never giving it the power of speech. Weird. When the COS kills another guy Brad confesses and takes the fall. Meanwhile, Mulder meets up with Deep Throat who hints around that maybe the gummymint wants Brad so they can make him build weapons systems (Hippie Brad who followed The Grateful Dead isn't going for it.)
The COS also bugs Scully's network for some reason with information it pulled from municipal systems. She discovers this and She and Him sheriff up and head to the building, where the power is out. The power is out so she has to climb through air ducts. She has to climb through air ducts so the computer can try to kill her with the old spinning fans trick. Which never works, sentient computers. Pay attention. While she's almost dying–and firing her gun for the first time–Mulder is using a virus given to him by Brad to destroy the COS. Completely. Which pisses off the super whom, it turns out, BREAKS MY HEART BY BEING A SECRET GOVERNMENT AGENT. He wants the COS for his bosses. Luckily, Scully shows up just after he does his reveal and holds her gun on him while Mulder pops in the virus and kills everything.
During mop up we learn that Brad Wilczek has turned up missing. Deep Throat kinda sarcastically asks Mulder what he thought would happen and implies that, come hell or high water, the gubment will get what they want from double murder confessing Wilczek. Like I said, I love this episode despite it's ridiculousness. It's one of the ones I randomly watch when I'm not marathoning.
Ice (1x07) - Ah, Ice. Another one of those instant classics. It's hard to go wrong with an adaption of Who Goes There?, famously adapted as the amazing movie The Thing.
To sum up, Mulder, Scully, Felicity Huffman, Kenny Bania, another dude, and another dude head to a place in Alaska where an ice drilling team vanished. Turns out they're all dead, the last survivors by their own hands. After plot and science it turns out the ice drilling team may have pulled up a worm from the freeze which infected them and caused them to flip out and get angry. Of course, both the pilot and Mulder are attacked by the scientists dog which leads to a paranoid environment where no one is sure who is infected and thus may flip out and kill everyone.
Sciencesciencescience happens and it turns out one worm will kill another worm, so all they have to do is pick out the infected and infect them again. Which is nice. Only Bania and the pilot are dead by this point and Mulder is suspected of being infected (shock: he's not). A fight breaks out when they try to reinfect him, turns out it's Felicity Huffman, and they all get to go home when the blizzard of plot clears up. During mop up it turns out the whole facility was burned to the ground by the government as a containment measure, effectively destroying what Mulder is sure is alien life. Why they didn't drill again isn't really explored. Nor is the connection between the anger management worms and the later Black Oil aliens who are about 80% the same. This is another just rocking episode. Paranoia and Felicity Huffman, what more could you want?
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